Thursday, April 3, 2008

Baby on the Brain

Yesterday afternoon I had a minor meltdown. I suddenly realized how freakin' old I am! I also had to suddenly come to grip with the fact that I DO wants kids! WTF did that come from? I don't even like most kids, and as much as I tell myself it's because of their parents, what if it's not? There are kids I like - H's cousin, friends kids, and any randomly quiet kid on the street. Is it really true that it's different when it's your kid?

I am no spring chicken (35 this summer). I waited a long time to find the right guy and get married. I also took a long time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I currently work in the hospitality industry, and the long hours, lack of work/life balance, and the food/alcohol that is always associated with work and work functions is just not healhty. I need more of a balanced, healthy life overall, which is why I want to be a Nurse. While I did not get into the Nursing progam for Fall 2008, I can apply again for Fall 2009. If I get in then, that means I would not graduate until Spring 2011. Had I gotten into school this Fall, I would have been 37 years old when I would be ready to try for a kid. Now, IF I get in for Fall 2009, I will be 38. And what if I don't get in that year?

H is pretty calm about it - truly believes it will happen when we are ready for it, and knows that are aren't ready now. I, on the other hand, am freaking out. I have never been pregnant. Does that mean I just have been extremely careful? Or does it mean I have issues? I guess time will tell. H was open to adoption too. I guess that's a plus.

So for now, nothing changes, except that I have to face the fact that I am up there in years, and that I want a child. Oh well, life goes on.

2 comments:

  1. Adam is right, it will work itself out. Good luck :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. It will work itself out for sure..

    You could get an egg count from your gyno just in case too that could give you a better time line?

    Don't stress out.. everything will straighten itself out.

    I too took a long time to figure out what I wanted to do..

    But you know what.. it'll all happen in its perfect time.

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