Monday, August 24, 2009

District 9 and why I am such a bitch

I really liked District 9. I can't say I enjoyed it though, because it was yet another reminder as to why I hate people. This is not going to be a spoilers post, because I am only going to talk about the basic premise of the movie, which you can get just about anywhere. This post is also timely because there are many out there in cyberspace that just don't like me. They think I'm a bitch. I felt I needed to get my side out there, whether they want to read it or not.

This movie is social commentary. Basically, aliens land on our planet, and we decide we know what is best for them. We keep them in concentration camps, make up racial slurs for them, try to keep them controlled, and then try to railroad them. What is even more sad than that, is we do this to our own species, even today. I believe that humans are inherently evil, and only religion and social morals keep most of them in check. This has been my experience with people for most of my life. Self-centered, self-important, and selfish with a strong sense of entitlement, and suburban sprawl just makes it worse. I have found that people who live in an actual city are less outwardly rude, as are people who live in small towns.

I hate that I hate people, but when faced with rudeness day after day after day, it's hard not to become super jaded and bitchy. That being said, I am still relatively polite - I let people with only a few items go in front of me in line at the supermarket. I let people pull out of their parking spaces. I allow people to merge. I smile at random strangers. But one small slight can set me off and ruin my day, because I care about humanity as a whole.

I was raised my poor hippie parents in a small beach community. I jokingly make fun of hippies, mostly because some of them go too far and make themselves look crazy, which I think hurts their mission. But in all, I think they have the right idea. Don't harm the earth or each other. Live sustainably. Money isn't everything. As a young child, I didn't know anything about nice cars or designer clothes. My hand-me-down jeans with the patches and my thrift store shirt were just fine in my local community.

Then I was accepted into a magnet program and my world changed. I was suddenly thrust into a school where smarter kids from all over were bused in. Many of these kids came from "nice" neighborhoods, and suddenly I realized that I was considered "inferior" because I didn't live in the right area, didn't have the right clothes, and my parents didn't drive the right car. I don't even think we had a car at that point. But I digress.

The nicest that these kids were to me was to ignore me. The rest tormented me. I tried so hard to fit in. My mother spent as much as she could to pack me the "right" kind of lunch, and scoured thrift stores and yard sales for the "right" kind of clothes. My school work suffered, and eventually I left the magnet program. It took me a few years, but I was able to re-build my self-esteem. With that self-esteem came enough bitchiness to give me a buffer zone for those superficial people that would try to cut me down for being different. I stopped caring if these people liked me or not, and I also started to look at their superficiality as idiocy.

So that brings me to who I am today. I live in a place where I am surrounded by the same people who tormented me in grade school. Why? Because my husband moved me here. I find the sterility of this planned community disgusting, because many people who move here do it to get away from "those people" - insert your own racial slur. The others move here because of the appearance - "it's such a nice area." It's the kind of place where you can ignore everyone else and get caught up in your own little self-centered world, and it's pretty much accepted. Valet parking, all the shopping your little heart desires, impeccable public facilities, manicured landscaping - all this adds to the feelings of entitlement. It looks like Stepford, but I would much rather live in "bad" neighborhood - it's more honest. At least you know where you stand in a bad neighborhood. The people who surround me now would just as soon run me down than have to stop at a stop sign or even slow down. Their kids will vandalize your car or rob your house just because they are bored.

To those of you who think I should move away from here, don't think for a second I haven't been trying. Ask my husband. We probably have a screaming, crying fight about this at least once a week. I want to move, he does not. So, currently, my only way out is to leave my husband, which I am not willing to do. Because when I make a commitment, I take that seriously. I also hate myself for being a hypocrite - I buy purses and shoes, makeup and clothes to fit in, mostly for work. I am actually embarrassed to say that my newest purse cost about $125, but I know in the grand scheme of things, $125 is chump change to most. I usually don't buy anything over $30, and that's only if I REALLY like it.

So I continue to be miserable and be a bitch. It's not an excuse, and I don't like this side of me. But I'm not going to apologize for how I feel, because it's who I am and I have just as much of a right to be bitchy as others have for being superficial. There are consequences to both. Regardless, this is already much to long. I could go on and on, but instead I am going to click "Publish Post" and move on. And a huge gold star to any of you who got this far. My bitchy ass probably wouldn't have. ;o)

8 comments:

  1. =( I read it all. Maybe it's time for a HH? Or a run? Nah, let's do HH! I'm sorry you're unhappy here, I know south OC can be a little suffocating. Cheer up friend.

    ReplyDelete
  2. 10YT - I really love you. Seriously. You are one of the people that totally brighten my day and makes it so much easier to be here. I'm down for a run AND HH!

    ReplyDelete
  3. H+P. Let's focus on the running until after I get back from vacay, then I'm all about the booze again. Hee hee. For now, vanity wins out, and I have to properly skinnify myself for my trip. I know, ironic huh? I'm one of the kinds of people you want to get away from in OC, but I won't let you hide from me. =)

    ReplyDelete
  4. omg you need to get the fuck out of dodge (i don't mean move..i know you're figuring that out). find your favorite nooks in southern california, don't let assholes ruin it for you. i'm here if you want to go out and explore.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey stranger! I hear you and probably would agree if I was not completely numb to feelings of any kind. Want to meet after work for HH soon?

    ReplyDelete
  6. $125 is not chump change!

    I'm sad that you had such a terrible high school experience and that your current neighborhood seems to be bringing you more of the same.

    I was always fortunate moneywise, but I sometimes felt culturally out of place with my strange shredded-dried-pork-and-egg sandwiches or bao at lunch. Stupid kids had no idea what they were missing.

    And they had no idea what they were missing in you, too.

    ReplyDelete
  7. (hugs) I can relate to a lot of these feelings. I grew up in a small town that was the polar opposite of OC in so many ways that it's hard not to want to go back to it. Feel better and know that when you stereo type the whole area you aren't any better than them.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for commenting!