Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Another Emo Post

You have my permission to skip it. I just feel the need to get it off my chest.

I am overwhelmed. After getting some feedback from a friend, I am pretty sure that H is depressed. I mean, who wouldn't be? He's coming up on 10 months since he has been employed. The economy sucks. Hard. And since he is not the type who can be industrious outside of work, he just looks for jobs and sits around the house, bored out of his mind. While I have hobbies I can do daily without much thought or cost, he does not. I am a good social networker and will regularly attend different functions, but I get the feeling he isn't comfortable with that. I love to find ways to keep myself busy - between running, going to the gym, hanging out with friends, cooking and cleaning the house, I can always stay busy. He just likes to work. So while unemployment would be my cup of tea, he does not enjoy it. I would thrive, he does not.

He should probably be in some sort of therapy, but he's not too keen on going to another one after the fiasco a few months ago where our therapist missed two sessions in a row because he "overslept."

So, in light of the current economy, we have agreed that he will take anything he can find. The time of waiting for a high paying job is over. And now I am nervous about what he will find.

I will be glad to get my happy, calm, centered husband back, but a lower paying position means I am less able to change jobs. I have to worry about my income level. If he is making $20K less, I certainly can't take a position that pays even $10K less than what I make. I can almost guarantee the insurance will remain with my job, which means I can't take anything without benefits from day 1. Will the relief I get from a more stable home environment be enough to keep me sane despite my shitty job situation?

And that brings me to my infertility issues. The longer he is unemployed, the further behind we get monetarily. At first I couldn't imagine being able to afford the fertility treatments. Now I am having a hard time imagining being able to afford an actual child. I'm certainly not getting younger, my time is limited. Even if H got a halfway decent paying job right now, it will take us at least a year to get back to where I am comfortable. I guess I shouldn't be too worried about the timing, since it's going to take 6-12 months for the varicocele surgery that he hasn't even had yet to take effect, and then I would theoretically have a minimum of 9 months after that. *le sigh*

3 comments:

  1. ::big hugs:: I hope he finds something soon.

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  2. ((Hugs)) I hope he's able to find something soon. Is there anywhere he'd be interested in volunteering? I've heard a lot of people these days who are unemployed and take up volunteering end up getting hired on...just a thought.

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