Monday, March 30, 2009

For my 6+ girls



I literally just walked in the door from my whirlwind Seattle trip, but I wanted to give my 6+ girls a little present. Smooches! More to follow soon...

Thursday, March 26, 2009

WW Weigh in, Week 7

Previous Weight: 173.0
Current Weight: 172.0
Lost this week: -1.0
Total lost: 7.4!!!

I am pretty happy with another pound lost this week! I went to eat Mexican food with my neighbors AND pigged out at El Torito Brunch last weekend. But I was extra careful to get all my good health guidelines in and stay within my points, and I was rewarded!

Now I have a bigger challenge ahead of me. I am going out of town this weekend to visit my parents. Since it is also vacation, we will be checking out some yummy restaurants as well as cooking at home. My mom knows I want to stay reasonably healthy and I have packed workout clothes and running shoes. I just want to make sure I am tracking everything, making some good choices (not all bad ones!) and keep the portions in check.

And next week, I hope to have some wonderful blogging topics! Have a great weekend everyone!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Playing with Fire

My husband is playing with fire. Since having to actually deal with IF, I have started wanting another puppy more and more. I originally started thinking about a puppy because my younger dog is so attached to my older dog, and since my older dog is now pushing 14, I am worried about how sad he will be when she goes. He just sent me these photos of this abandoned pit puppy. I want. SO BAD. You have no idea. ::cries::


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Education and Wealth


I remember this poster from when I was young because it was in one of my Junior High Classrooms. I thought it was the best poster ever because I was brought up in a family where education was extremely important, and I truly believed that I would be able to have that beachfront house and the cars. All I had to do was go to school, get good grades, and earn my degree.

Now I look around and realize that a higher education doesn't necessarily get you anywhere in life. You have to choose the right career, and then in many cases, you have to have shady morals on top. Look at our economy and what has been happening in the financial sector. Look at the mortgage crisis. I personally know people who made big money (BIG MONEY) via bad loans, hedge funds, etc. Some of them are still making money hand over fist. Some of them are crying that they aren't getting their bonuses, but considering the economy and their hand in the crisis, I think they should be happy they still have jobs.

I don't know what I am going to encourage my children to do. I got my degree in Biology because that's what I loved. And then I realized that the career option that allowed me to do what I loved with that degree went hand in hand with something I hated - scrounging for grant money. So I scrapped that, and then wandered through my "career", eventually landing in sales. The sales I do now is not even all that lucrative, even though it's the most money I have ever made. But it's very reminiscent of scrounging for grant money.

So where did I go wrong? Would I have been happier if I had gone with the flow of my Bio classmates and just gone to Medical School? I would certainly be making a hell of a lot more money. Or maybe even nursing school (which is still in the back of my mind - just trying to figure out how to make it work financially). Would I be happier? Or, more importantly, would I be just as unhappy?

At this point in my life, I don't even want the huge beachfront house with 5 $100K plus cars. I just want a house, a family and some free time. I can't afford a house, and I can't even afford the medical procedures that we probably need to start our family. I can't even afford adoption. I don't want to spend 70% of my waking hours on work in some way or another. But I really feel that all of this is so much to ask, especially since I am in a better financial situation than many Americans. If it's daunting for me, how must all these other people feel?

I still don't know what I am going to tell my kids. Hopefully, our Nation will be in a better position before I have to make that decision.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Germany FAIL

I tried to go to Germany yesterday morning, but ended up in San Francisco. Some of you understand, but for those who don't:

I had started going to the gym on the weekends, and a friend of mine invited me to her regular workout of 24SET at the gym by my house. So the first time I went with her, we had a different instructor than she had ever had. A TOUGH instructor. Marcia is a German woman with a love of Latin music and enough energy to power a small city block. I was dying about 10 minutes into the hour class, but it was awesome and I felt totally accomplished afterward. It made my Tuesday morning 24SET look like a cakewalk.

Marcia taught again the following Saturday and before that class we found out she taught at a "nearby" club on Sunday mornings. When I say "nearby" I mean about 5 miles further than the local gym. I have been meaning to go see her on Sundays, but with the time change and getting sick, I haven't been able to drag myself out of bed until this weekend. I get up, perky and ready, get to the club and I am excited for a tough workout.

Well, there was no Marcia. Someone else was teaching the class. A tall, thin man with a strong feminine side and excitement indicative of a new instructor. He was just okay. Since 24SET is a step class with weights, you would hope for someone with some step experience. However, his transitions were rough. Not intuitive, jerky, and just overall bad. I spent most of my time trying to figure out what weird step combination he apparently made up himself. I pushed myself though by giving myself two risers and heavy weights, which helped make up for it.

Let this be a lesson to me. Next time, I should check the schedule in advance and make sure it's Germany and no where else the next time I drag my butt 7 miles away for a class.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Success!!!!

Previous Weight: 177.4
Current Weight: 173.0
Lost this week: -4.4!!!!
Total lost: 6.4!!!

Can you tell how flipping excited I am? The things I did this week which were different than any other week:

1. I was sick so I didn't work out at all
2. I ate almost all my WP's but no AP's (because I didn't earn them :oP)
3. I ate a ton of fruit for snacks

I have a couple of challenging weeks ahead of me. This weekend I have a Lunch, a Dinner AND a Brunch out. And the following weekend I am going to visit family so will be out of my comfort zone and probably eating out. A LOT.

But I only have 2.6 more pounds before I get to my 10%, and according to my bathroom scale, in the morning when I am nekkid, I weight 169, which is one of the lowest weights I have seen in years! Wheeee!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

WW weigh in - week 5

Previous Weight: 176.4
Current Weight: 177.4
Lost this week: -1.0
Total lost: 2.0

I was really curious this week. Last week, I didn't eat any of my 30 Activity points I earned, and I didn't eat 14 of my Weekly Flex Points. This week I ate every single darn point. Well, technically I had 2.5 AP's left, but that could easily be a small item I didn't track. And of course, I gained.

I am trying not to be discouraged. I've been sick, and I've been taking anti-inflammatory drugs for my wrist and antibiotics for the HSG. H thinks that's why I didn't lose. It also rather sucks that I have to use points for Nyquil, but I won't sleep without it. :/ It's so hard though to hear about the three people who lost 3, 6 and 14 (!!!) pounds on their first week. I guess when you have been trying to eat healthy for as long as I have, a subtle change like WW isn't going to result in any major losses.

So, this is another week. I am going to keep going. I have no other choice!

Trying to hold on to a sliver of hope

I am still waiting for H to see a urologist (to check for varicocele) and it will be a couple of months before we know if the lifestyle changes work. I know of a few miracle bpf's so I know I need to continue to chart and make sure we continue having sex on fertile days. We don't have the money for IVF, at least not right away. It's really hard to keep on keeping on, and I'm sure many have felt this way. I guess seeing the numbers and percentages my RE wrote down for us was more discouraging than I realized. I am ready for a break, but I don't feel like I have the time to take one. I am feeling older than normal these days, as much as I am feeling helpless.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Best H in the world

I know I complain about him a lot. He drives me nuts often, but I am glad I married him. Example: I was coming down with a cold last night, and he made me tomato soup and grilled cheeses - total comfort food.

But even better, tonight I got home from work, and he had made chicken tortilla soup and put in a movie. When I walked in the door, the previews were already playing and I could smell the deliciousness of the soup. What movie? 50 First Dates. I love that movie. I love that he chose that particular movie. And I love him for being that thoughtful and sweet. We ate dinner and watched the movie and held hands.

I love the shit out of my husband. :)

Career minded?

I have always thought I would be a career minded mother, but the more I think about it, I'm wondering if I would rather be a stay at home mom. When I was laid off, I hated going back to work. H is dying to work again (yes, this is a GOOD THING!). When I was laid off, I had time to make sure the house was clean, bargain shop, cook meals from scratch, work out, etc. and I enjoyed each and every day.

I wonder if I would still feel this way if I had a career I loved, if I found my passion. I wonder if I would feel this way once my kids come, even if I did love my career. I am also not the best at delegating - I am a firm believer of the do it yourself crowd. I sure as hell don't want my MIL with her misogynistic and homophobic views of the world raising my children.

H would like to be able to support me, so I wouldn't have to work. That would be nice, but if I didn't have to work, I would go back to school. Even if I do have kids, I would certainly need something for when they were older! And I was brought up to support myself and not ever find myself stuck in a corner. You can't predict the future - even though I trust H and know in my heart he would never leave me, if something ever happened, I don't want to be the woman who is unskilled and unable to support herself and her family.

HSG

Was painless. I didn't even feel pressure. The worst part was holding the position while the doc put in the catheter, and of course the speculum. So, all you people who said it's "worse than childbirth" can suck it.

Anyway, tubes are clear. I was so sure that after all the years on the pill, my age, and never once in my life having a pregnancy scare, that it was me. I am checking out fine. Ironical as Stephen Lynch would say. I also think it's funny that H and all this friend's "theories" about infertility are totally disproved. Stress and BCP's at a young age and all that mumbo jumbo. I also think it's funny that H's mom is so adamant against anyone using a doctor to check into why they can't get pregnant, and it is her son that is the issue. That seems harsh, but if we never went to an RE, we would never have figured it out! Douche.

Now let's just hope H and his lifestyle changes work!!

Friday, March 6, 2009

FSH

Short for Follicle Stimulating Hormone. Should be low early in the cycle, and on my cycle day 4, it was 6.4 which is apparently good. Under 6 is excellent, 6 to 9 is good. It was also on day 4 (not 3) so maybe my levels are even better? Doesn't matter.

I have my HSG on Wednesday, March 11. Last big test. Not sure when I am going to go over the results with the doc - it's really hard to get out of work. :-/ Not that it matters much. All I can do is hope H's lifestyle changes have an amazing effect.

Which brings me to my next issue. WTF H? In one week, you have only taken your vitamins two days. I swallow a small pharmacy every single day, and that is nothing compared to the crap these fertility treatments/tests require. If I can make myself sick on supplements, have my cervix clamped shut so that the dye only has one way to go, and be willing to give myself shots, then you should be willing to take your stupid vitamins.

Here is what I took today:

Prenatal
Extra Folic Acid
Green Tea for cervical mucus
Wheat grass for cervical mucus
Evening primrose oil for cervical mucus
Purified fish oil for cervical mucus
Acidophilus for immunity

WW Weigh in, week four

Previous Weight: 177.6
Current Weight: 176.4
Lost this week: 1.2
Total lost: 3.0

Four weeks on ww. This was a good week - I stayed within my points, and I worked out. A LOT. I'm not sure I should be eating more, but I was a little disappointed in 1.2 - I had 14 weekly points left and earned 30 activity points, which I did not use.

One issue I have with the current program, or at least how the online tracker uses points. In the past I always used my AP's the day I earned them, so it encouraged me to eat more on days I worked out. But the new program has you use your weekly points first. I wonder if that is slowing my metabolism by not consciously eating more on workout days. I mean, if I could have eaten another 44 points this week and still stayed on the program, wouldn't that mean I should have lost at least another half a pound? Weight loss is so freaking weird.

I am just trying to stay with the program now. I am going to try and eat more on the days I work out. And I have to keep telling myself that slow and steady wins the race. If I can lose a pound a week, then I only have another two weeks until 5 pounds.