Thursday, August 26, 2010

Something Fierce

Damn, I miss my mom. For the first time in a long time, I feel like having a baby might actually happen, and while I had my moments of excitement and even happiness, the reality of being pregnant and raising my child without my mother being a part of my daily life is so depressing.

My mom and I are close. I mean CLOSE. We lived within 30 minutes of each other until I was 26 years old, and saw each other almost daily. Even though she now lives 1200 miles way from me, we still talk almost every day. When I pictured myself having a family, it always included her as being a part of my child's daily life. In fact, I was counting on the cheap day care she would provide. My mom is also awesome - she taught me to read long before I even got to kindergarten. She is a huge believer in education, lifelong learning, and reading. She is a feminist, a humanist, and has an open mind, and always taught me to think for myself. I could think of no better environment to shape my child's young mind.

But that's not the environment my potential child would have where I live currently.

Instead, I currently live near my husband's family. My husband's family uses the "N" word on a regular basis and opposed to gay marriage. They make misogynistic comments about their own granddaughters, saying they are "asking to be raped" because they wear shorts. They constantly refer to the bible to justify their beliefs, and yet they are not what I always thought a Christian was supposed to be. Judge not, lest ye be judged? I think they conveniently forgot about that. They don't have a single independent thought - their opinions are verbatim from Fox News. They never made education a priority for their own kids, and would rather spend their money on cars and vacations than help their children go to college. They are horribly selfish and are usually only concerned with themselves, sacrificing the others around them, including their own children. In addition to all of this, they don't believe infertile people should be allowed to use medical advances to help them have children. So why should they have access to my child??

I want my offspring to be kind and compassionate, to be color-blind and yet, open to different cultures. I want my kids to treat everyone as equals, no matter their sex, color, creed, sexual orientation, or any other differentiating factor. I want them to think for themselves, and have their education and values to guide their decisions. I want them to have positive role models so they can grow up adventurous and independent, but have enough knowledge to make good decisions. I am terrified of what I would have to undo after a visit with them.

I miss my mom.

3 comments:

  1. In laws are are tough because no matter what they'll always be involved one way or another.

    Where does mom live now a days? Would you consider moving closer to mom when baby happens?

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  2. After you get KU, you and your H could look for jobs near your mom. How much do you have really tying you down to staying there?

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  3. where does your mom live? hopefully closer to ohio... then you would have 2 reasons to move. the other one being me. :)

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