Friday, January 14, 2011

It's All About Me

Not really. Ok, yeah, really.

I was a little unsure as to why some people's bad news would affect me so much. The more I considered it, the more I realized it was because I am selfish. I want to know there is hope. I want to maintain hope in my heart. I want to believe it is possible. But then reality hits hard for someone who I feel close to, someone I hope for almost as much as I hope for myself, and my hopes get a little damaged. I don't want to say they are shattered, but they definitely take a hit.

I don't feel this way about everyone, which is somewhat hypocritical, but after everything I have been through (which is not that much in the grand scheme of infertility), I am nowhere near as upset for those who have just started their journey. Infertility sucks no matter what, but there are some that endure so much more than a few IUI's or a couple IVF's. I am sad for any failed IVF, but if it's the first or second, it doesn't make me as sad. My hope is still intact.

I guess I am just trying to hold on to some hope through the success of others, and it's double devastation when a treatment cycle doesn't work. So those of you who I love, I do feel sorrow and sympathy for you, but I feel sorrow for myself as well. Hope that doesn't bother you.

2 comments:

  1. And I feel sorrow for you when you have a failed cycle. But I still hold out a heck of a lot of hope that you will have success!

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  2. I feel sorry for all of us no matter how many failed cycles we've been through. And when one of us finally gets pregnant, I feel hopeful just for a moment. Then I start to freak out about betas doubling, hearing a heart beat, etc. IF sucks the joy out of a lot of stuff. Hopefully we'll both end up on the happy side of the stats soon.

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