If you can’t get pregnant, you can “just adopt.” It’s easy, quick, and inexpensive.
Adoption is not always easy, quick or inexpensive. Adoptive parents must complete a home study which includes home visits, interviews and extensive background checks which are required by both the state and their adoption agency. There is also no crystal ball in adoption that can predict the amount of time the process will take.The matching process can be lengthy, and the entire process can take up to two years. It is important for adoptive parents to remember, however, that their profile will be selected by the birth mother that is meant to work with them. It is also important for adoptive parents to remember that adoption should not be viewed as something they can “just” do if they can not get pregnant. Adoption is not a substitution when pregnancy is not achievable; it is another way to build a family.
My side: I know a few people who have adopted, as well as a few who are trying. There are expensive ways, and there are less expensive ways, but in adoption, much like pregnancy, there are no guarantees. I am open to adoption, but by telling me I can "always just adopt" is not only dismissive to my struggle to get pregnant, but it is insulting to those who have been through the adoption process. Adoption is an option I have always considered, but I also know I have time to pursue it because adoption doesn't depend on the age and health of my eggs, my uterus, or my body. I am focusing on one thing at a time, and right now I am not quite ready to give up the hope of being able to carry my baby to term, to nourish it while it is growing inside my body, to give it the best start to life I possibly can, and to experience the moment where I can bring it into this world. Possibly the saddest part of infertility is to give up these dreams, one at a time, as they no longer become attainable.
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