Monday, April 25, 2011

CRAP. More Decisions.

Okay, so most of you are aware of my struggles with insurance, etc. I found out today that all of my approvals for IVF have gone through, aside from ICSI/assisted hatching! So, if I wanted to pay for COBRA at $1K+ a month, I could theoretically cycle. Great news, right? Except that the husband and I have already started to move on. I booked a trip to see my mom for the first time in two years. The hubby and I bought a vacation package to Mexico for a steal at a silent auction. We are planning the rest of our lives.

And now we have the chance to put our life on hold again. For how much though? Well, that's the interesting part. ICSI and Assisted Hatching are $1850 alone. Co-payments are estimated at $225. We have a $500 deductible. And I haven't even touched on meds yet. That puts our 1 month cost at somewhere between $3500-4000. Fuck. Especially considering we are currently down an income. I can ask my RE to not do ICSI/AH but I think he would disagree with that decision.

Part of me would feel dumb for not taking this opportunity, but at the same time, another part of me has already moved on. I'm afraid of ripping off that scab because it's likely I will start bleeding again. What are the chances that this cycle would actually work? How shitty will I feel if I put my life on hold again and it doesn't work? Two weeks ago, I would have gone in wholeheartedly, but now that I have been healing for 10 or so days, I'm not so sure I am ready to take the plunge into treatment again.

So I need help - please take my poll. If I don't make this decision in the next 24 hours, we will be out another $1K for sure because CD1 is tomorrow. This rollercoaster sucks and I want to get off, as soon as possible, one way or another. Thanks in advance.

8 comments:

  1. Have you considered adoption? There are so many babies and children out there that need loving, devoted parents! I was lucky enough to be adopted out at 6 months, so many have to wait and lose precious bonding time and life skills!
    I totally get the need to have your own child, but when it gets to this point it seems like a lot of stress which wouldn't be good for your body, relationship or unborn child! <3

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  2. Peanutbasher - you should read my BP from earlier: http://alittlemore2life.blogspot.com/2011/04/bust-infertility-myth-if-you-cant-get.html

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  3. Oh yea, I totally know how long it takes and how expensive it is. My mom told me all the horror stories involved with it, lol. I should have checked out some of your past posts before I jumped in, my bad! :)

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  4. No worries! I just wanted you to know that I am open to it at some point in the future :) Thanks again for commenting! And thank you for being respectful!

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  5. I guess I'd have to say this:

    1)ask yourself if you want to spend the money on the vacations that will give you pleasant memories.

    2) will you feel guilty if you don't try one more time not knowing that this might be the cycle that it works.

    See for us money is always tight because our insurance only covers the exams and meds, though meds are a big cost factor if not covered. I'm 41 and for me its the now or never factor so I'd go for it and be damned later if it didn't work. We'd take the risk of not having a retirement fund but if it worked it would mean a baby.

    Sorry if this really doesn't help. It truly is a decision that only you and your spouse can make together.

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  6. I hate these Catch 22 dilemmas and I wish I had the magic answer for you.

    What will you least regret in 10 years, looking at the worst- not the best-case scenario? If you try IVF again and fail, will you be upset that you put your life on hold, or will you be glad you gave it one more try?

    For me, no matter what happens after this IVF chapter is over, I just want to know I gave it my best. If it doesn't work, I'll never look back and wonder.

    But everyone reaches the point when they are "done" at different times. Maybe you need the break now before you can try again later.

    So sorry- I know how hard this is. Wishing you the best. Let me know if you ever want someone to talk it over.

    xxx

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  7. I say this (it's what I had to do)...look deep within. You know what the right thing is. You and only you can make this decision. For me, as much as I wanted it, I KNEW it wasn't the right thing at the time. If you feel like you a rushing it because it's here now, but it doesn't feel right, then it may not be the right time. If your entire being is telling you to go for it, then you should because you may look back and regret your decision if you don't. I think deep down we all know what the "right" answer is for us. Hang in there girl and I'm thinking of you!

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  8. I'm sorry that you or any of us has to face these decisions. Because it's not just a decision of what you're going to do *now*, but it makes you think about where you would stop if it kept not working.

    I'm sorry anyone gets comments like "Why don't you just adopt".

    Meh. In short, *big hugs*

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Thank you for commenting!