Thursday, July 7, 2011

Good News and Bad News

Being the pessimist I am, I normally want the bad news first.

My one little mature egg fertilized abnormally.

And the good news? Two of the other four matured overnight and were ICSI'd today. That means I have another 24 hours to wait. I guess waiting is better than the alternative.

I was watching a movie last night, "Love and Other Drugs." Hopefully this isn't too big a spoiler for you, but the heroine has Parkinson's. It got me thinking, about infertility and fertility and a Twitter comment I made the other night.

We were at our town's 4th of July celebration, waiting for the fireworks, and it felt like half the town was knocked up. Fuck man, I drink the water too! What gives? And my comment on Twitter was based on the obviousness of pregnancy, how it's such a slap in the face. If my heart's desire was a horse, I wouldn't be able to tell just by looking at them that everyone else had a horse when I couldn't. If all I wanted was to have my wedding on the beach, it wouldn't be completely obvious that they were able to have what I wanted. These are trivial things, and that almost makes it worse. It makes me feel sometimes like the universe is teasing me. I know that's silly, but it seems so unfair.

But I have found the silver lining. You see, unlike many diseases, such as Parkinson's, we don't wear a blazing red "IF" on our chests. We can pretend outwardly that we didn't want kids, or we had them and they grew up, or they're at Grandma's right now. In some ways, that doesn't help our cause, because being invisible is pretty much why we are ignored and forgotten in the first place. But for a private person like me, having my infertility not outwardly obvious is welcomed.

I guess what I am trying to say is that if Infertility was like Parkinson's, I would get a lot more looks of pity, and that wouldn't be kosher with me. So, my thoughts go out to those people afflicted with anything that is outwardly obvious and has to suffer through other people's bullshit because of it.

Except pregnant women. ;)

3 comments:

  1. Not sure what the good news means but I'm hoping this one works for ya!

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  2. I know how you feel. It was so annoying to celebrate the 4th of July here on the military installation and see all those hugely swollen, about to give birth bellies walking about. I was insanely jealous. My husband got home about the same time as their's and I'm not yet pregnant but they are about ready to pop. Sometimes I can take shopping on post with all them around when I too have hope, other days I'd rather just send my husband in for the groceries.

    Good luck!

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  3. I'm hoping for you with all my heart.

    You are so right about the silver lining of infertility being "invisible," and the evident reminder in others pregnant bellies. I still feel that way myself.

    Anyway, I'm cheering for you. You've given this everything you could and that's all we can do. I'm proud of you, dear friend. xxxxx

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