Friday, August 26, 2011

No Heartbeat

Isn't that like the universe. Right about the time I get comfortable and start to think my bad luck is behind me, I get another swift kick to the crotch.

No heartbeat today. Baby stopped growing a couple days after the last ultrasound.

Now I am trying to decide on how we want to get rid of the pregnancy - let nature take its course, get some meds, or do a D&C. I'm not sure I can handle passing the tissue, and I think my husband would like some answers, if there are any answers to be had. I think I would too.

And of course there are other questions. Are we going to try again? Do we continue the Cobra so we can do another IVF? I'm not sure my ovaries will make it worthwhile. Do we just take our chances with more timed intercourse? What do I do with all the stuff we bought? Hold on to it and keep hoping? or get rid of it now?

Fuck, this is hard. I'm going to drink wine now.

27 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry, I thought this was it for you guys. If you need anyone to talk to seriously i'm here and I'm not too far away from you. Anything you need just tell me! I know how hard this can be. Based on my own experience, dont let nature takes its course. That image still haunts me to this day. If you can get in for a D&C soon, I'd say do that. If you have to wait and theres a chance nature will take its course (which happened to me), its not worth it. Lots and lots of hugs to you and your H.

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  2. You're in my thoughts and prayers Ananda.

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  3. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I don't know what else to say, the rest of the decisions are hard to make and can only be made by you.

    I started to miscarry the twins, first one right off, second one stopped growing at 6 weeks though it stayed in me for 10 weeks 6 days. Finally I couldn't take the cramping any longer and went to the ER. They did the D&C because my cervix was still dilated to 4cm. They were afraid of infection. I had already passed the fetal tissue but I agreed to the D&C because of the risk of infection. That was Sept 1996.

    Years went by and I ended up gifting away all the baby stuff I had bought and made. Or so I thought. Four years ago I found two cute little shirts I had made and it gave me the decision to buy a onesie since my new spouse and I had decided to try. Four years later....well you get the picture.

    Cobra is awfully expensive. Is there a chance of picking up any other insurance? What does your doctor say about your eggs?

    I hope you aren't in too much pain. I'm thinking of you and wishing I could be there for you.

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  4. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know words will not help right now. I'm here if you need anything.

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  5. So very heartbroken for you, Dip. I want to kick the universe in the nuts right now.

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  7. Thinking of you. I wish I could make the pain go away. {{hugs}}

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  8. I am so very sorry. Sending so much love. xxx

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  9. I am so sorry. My thoughts go out to you and your husband.

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  10. I'm so sorry Sweetie! You've been on my mind all day! I can't begin to imagine how hard this is. Enjoy your wine and cry as much as you need. Sending you support and (((hugs))).

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  11. I'm so devastated for you guys. I don't have any advice as to which direction you should go as all my first trimester miscarriages have happened so quickly there was no time for a d&c.

    there's nothing to say but I'm so so sorry and this shit sucks

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  12. I am very sorry for your loss and all you have had to endure. You are very much in my thoughts.

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  13. My heart sank when I read this.. I am so, so sorry!! You are in my thoughts~

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  14. I'm so sorry, dear friend- having gone through this twice myself, I know how heartbreaking and HARD this is. For a later miscarriage, the D&C is the best of all those terrible options. Get it over with so you can move on- at least that's how I felt. Then find a project you can throw yourself into to distract yourself. Sending you huge hugs- let me know if there's anything I can do or any questions a veteran can answer. Thinking of you. xxxx

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  15. I am sick to my stomach with this. This is so effing unfair. I know me saying sorry can't begin to help. Just know that I'm grieving with you.

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  16. I don't have the right words, so I'll just say that I am so devastatingly sorry, and that I am sending love your way. I wish there were more that I could say or do.

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  17. So sorry for your loss, I've been through it myself unfortunately. My advice, go for a D&C- so much easier in my opinion having been through a natural miscarriage and a D&C, easier to move on too.
    Email me on shalawantsababy@gmail.com if u want to talk to someone who's been through the same thing.
    Take care,

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  18. I am so sorry for your loss. I came over from I am a Mommy. I wanted to offer you a handkerchief from my For Your Tears blog. If you are interested you can email me at dpucci997@gmail.com I am praying for your comfort and strength. ((HUGS))

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  19. It's 2 days now since I read this and I still don't know what to say. Fuck. I'm so sorry and wish it were so different.

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  20. I'm so very sorry :(
    This is devastating, the universe sucks right now. I'm lost for words but please know I am thinking of you.
    Moonie xx

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  21. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. <3

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  22. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier. *big hugs*

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