Tuesday, August 23, 2011
No,I'm not perfect. I know this. And yet, I'm striving for it. When you spend over three years learning everything there is to know about getting pregnant and you aren't, you begin making deals with the universe as to what you would do if you were actually graced with a pregnancy.
Sometimes it's a judgement of others - I promise to not smoke or do crack while I am pregnant, or put them in a stoller in the bed of a truck. But most of the time, it has nothing to do with others, it's just my personal need to keep my promises to the universe.
What are my promises? No caffeine for one. I know small amounts of caffeine are probably okay, but I refuse to drink iced tea or even decaf coffee. I also read that while some medications are probably okay, no medication can be considered 100% safe, so I hesitate to even take Tylenol unless I feel it's absolutely necessary. I am trying to manage all my nutrition, ensure I get my calcium and iron (but not at the same time) and I'm trying to eat my vegetables and fruit. I'm lucky in this respect that vegetables sound good to me, while meat does not. I want to start exercising, but only after I get the green light from my doctor.
I have a feeling this goal of perfection will follow me into the delivery room and beyond. Is it too crazy to require that every single person who touches the baby has a pertussis vaccine? It is over the top if we install Purell dispensers at the front door and in the baby's room? Of course since I learned everything there is to know about getting pregnant, I need to know everything there is about being pregnant, staying pregnant, giving birth and babies. I haven't really bought much in the way of books, but have had a good deal given to me by all my friends who are already moms,and I'm reading them all.
Crazy? Maybe. Too much pressure on myself? Probably. But this is probably my one and only chance, so I need to know that I did everything I could.