Friday, February 25, 2011

How many Needles does it take to get a BFP?

My life is completely focused around needles these days. I have been poked for blood tests, poked for injections, and now I am getting poked in acupuncture. I'm even poking myself to test my blood sugar. I have a friend who adds up the cost, I prefer to add the number of pricks I have endured. And I'm not talking about those guys I dated in my 20's.

My first IVF cycle brought approximately 29 needle sticks, 12 for blood draws, 16 injections, and a catheter for surgery. My arms looked like I had a recreational heroin habit. Since that one failed, I went back for more pokes - 2 more blood tests, and approximately 1 blood sugar test a day for 7 weeks... that is about 51. I am actually lowballing this number too, because I often come up short in the blood area, and have to re-prick myself. Sometimes as many as three times. That sucks ass. Stupid cold fingers.

Now I'm getting acupuncture at least once a week. Last session used 18 needles, and I have been to three so far = 54.

That's a grand total of 162 needles.

Now, let's look forward. I will have a minimum of 6 more acupuncture sessions for 108 more needles. I will continue to test my blood sugar through the end of my next IVF, so 56 or so more needle pricks. And I already have a good idea of my meds schedule. If I stim for the average 10 days, I'm looking at approximately 82 needle sticks. That's 246 more for a grand total of 408 penetrations of my skin. If I had $1 for every needle stick, I could buy a Kinect AND Rock Band Three! But the reality is, I have to pay for the pleasure, although, fortunately, not as much as most.

If IVF#2 is successful, I will still be looking at PIO shots, probably for the first trimester. If IVF#2 is not successful, I guess I'm looking at the next round of injections. I guess it shows how much I want this.

Speaking of getting poked, don't even get me started on the Dildo Cam....

WW Weigh In, Week 9

Last week's weight: 183.6
This week's weight: 184.4
Difference: +0.8
Pounds to Goal #1: 6.4

I was pretty confident this week, thought I would have a decent loss. I tracked everything. I worked out. I didn't eat out once.  What am I doing wrong? I try not counting fruit, I try counting fruit, I eat every single one of my points, I don't eat some of my WPA/AP's. I'm not sure what I am doing wrong, other than my body is apparently being a stubborn bitch. At this point, I'm not even sure I will get back to the weight I was during my first IVF. Lamesauce.

I was pretty discouraged last night. I feel like I am trying so hard and nothing is happening. I have done this before, I should be able to lose. I should already know how. Last night I was ready to either ditch points and start tracking calories or go back to the old point system. Of course, when I got home my incredibly stressed out husband had taken it upon himself to get Pizza. Which I then devoured. I've been so damn good, and the gain pushed me over the edge.

Today I woke up, not quite so discouraged. I am giving it one more week, and I will follow the program. You will be happy to know that I did track my splurge. I will not count fruit, I will accept that fruit is zero, but I will also work to add variety to my life instead of reaching for the same things as snacks (i.e. eating multiple oranges and apples a day), and probably limit my fruit intake to an average of three servings a day. If this doesn't work, then I will revisit.

My leader has suggested that I try the "Simply Filling" plan (i.e. the old Core plan) to see if that works better for me. My issue with that is I too many things not on the list. They are perfectly healthy things - like 60 calorie almond milk with calcium. Dairy is a Filling Food, but I don't eat dairy anymore (or at least I'm not supposed to). Therefore, for every item I eat outside of the Filling Food List, I have to use my Weekly Points or my Activity Points. It's somewhat frustrating to think of it that way, but I also don't feel 100% comfortable just making up my own food list.

Actually, come to think of it, I eat a number of points per day in just supplements and health related foods :/

Wheatgrass - 1 point
Fish Oil/EPO - 1 point
Ground Flaxseed - 1 point
Chia Seed - 2 points
Almond Milk - 2 points
Calcium Chew - 1 point
Before bed peanut butter - 1 point

That's approximately 8 points a day in non-Filling Food supplements! Would that mean I have to burn approximately 560 calories a day just to cancel that out? Oy. I'm sure I would lose weight if I were doing that! Maybe that's what I need to do? Ugh. Don't tell me to use my WPA's, because first, this would burn through my WPA's in less than the week (I only get 49!) and second, I like to use my WPA's to eat out, splurge a little, or when I'm just more hungry than normal.

Oh well, one more week, and we will see. I'm pretty sure my 178 goal is out of reach unless something changes very soon. Come hell or high water (or insurance cancellation, eeep), my last WW weigh in will be on March 24th. Say a little prayer that my RE doesn't kick my (larger) ass.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Supplements

In addition to my Prenatal with DHA, Omega-3's and calcium I am now taking the following supplements for egg quality and fertility:

Royal Jelly

That is a literal mouthful. Gag. I even had to buy an extra large pill case. But I'm willing to do it, because I am hoping for one more cycle and that's it. Let's go eggies! Y'all got one more month to get in tip top shape! I have also figured out the key to my high fasting blood sugar - 1/2 an apple and a tablespoon of peanut butter! If I eat that before bed, I'm golden. Yay! I'm also going to take my cinnamon before bed to help with the blood sugar deal. Incidentally, I asked my RE about these, and he had no opinion. The only thing he really cared about was Metformin, which I don't need anymore since I discovered the key to my fasting blood sugar. When I call on CD1, I guess he can tell me then what I need to stop taking.

As far as workouts go, I did a few more pole classes which was fun and challenging, however I think last week's boot camp classes fucked my shoulder. It hasn't felt the same since. Maybe the Pole classes didn't help it, but they didn't hurt it either. The stupid boot camp intimidates me, like I can't say no, so this is what I get I guess. I'm back to running - will go tomorrow morning, and I'm excited.

I've given up on the whole Biggest Loser weight loss. I will be thrilled if I can just weigh 178 again when I go back to the RE. That's all I want. Okay body, do you hear that? Let's make it happen. Go Team!

Friday, February 18, 2011

WW Weigh In, Week 8

Last week's weight: 182.2
This week's weight: 183.6
Difference: -0.6
Pounds to Goal #1: 5.6

Another loss, which is good, but my god, what do I need to do to make this go a little faster? While I know my ambitious goal was more than 2 pounds per week, I would be thrilled with a pound a week. However I am still hovering om what I am still considering a plateau. WTF? I'm running out of time too. I just read that follicles and eggs take about 5 months to mature. Which means the eggs I will be using in my hopefully March/April cycle started growing in November/December.


That means my downward spiral into depression studded with poor food choices and copious amounts of booze might have already fucked my eggs. And I sure as hell don't want to do anything that can possibly harm my eggs at this point, so signing up for a last minute marathon is completely out, as is starving myself to reach a specified weight. I'm also off booze, caffeine, etc. for sure.

I also found out that cutting dairy effectively reduced my C-reactive protein, which kinda sucks ass because I liked my milk, cheese, yogurt, etc. but it's also good because it connected some dots for me as far as my general health goes. I am also hoping that my uterus is now more healthy and receptive.

Now I have to annoy my nurse about supplements and other possible restrictions so I can attempt to plan my next 8 weeks.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Boot Camp Vs Pole Dancing

In my new quest for Biggest Loser sized losses over the next 6 weeks, I am trying some new fitness related things. So this last week I took another Pole Fitness class and also joined a Boot Camp style class for a month. There are some major, major differences.

Comfort at start of class

Pole Fitness: I was very self-conscious. I was the fattest person there, and it felt weird trying to be sensual.

Boot Camp: I was the thinnest (believe it!). However, I was NOT the fittest.

Comfort during class

Pole Fitness: Still self conscious, but started to ease into it. It was fun as well as a challenge. I really worked at perfecting the few moves we worked on that day and it felt less like a workout and more like learning to dance.

Boot Camp: OUCH! OUCH OUCH OUCH HOLY HELL! OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! I never thought I would use running as a method of rest.

Immediately After Class

Pole Fitness: I felt happy, relaxed and accomplished.

Boot Camp: I needed a nap. And a wheelchair.

The Day After

Pole Fitness: Delightfully sore, mostly in my upperbody (yay!). A few tender spots where I bumped a body part into the pole.

Boot Camp: Still need that wheelchair. Stairs are NOT my friend.


Both programs are comparable in price (in the range of $200 a month). Basically I really enjoyed the Pole Fitness class MUCH more than the Boot Camp. Plus I think it would be really rewarding for my self esteem. Obviously, the Boot Camp was a much more intense workout, and I probably need that right now, at least for the next month as I attempt unhealthy levels of weight loss HAHA! But after I go through my IVF cycles and hopefully pregnancy, and I'm looking for a program I can do long term that will have the most positive effect on my life as a whole, it would be Pole Fitness at the top of my list.

But in the meantime, I need to motivate to get to that boot camp again tomorrow!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

WW Weigh in, Week 7

Last week's weight: 184.4
This week's weight: 184.2
Difference: -0.2
Pounds to Goal #1: 6.2

So, I'm still on a little plateau. This week I totally know why - we painted the bedroom. What does that mean? 1. I ate like crap 2. I skipped my weekend runs 3. I slept like crap for three nights

We all know that lack of sleep really screws you up, right? Plus I didn't count anything over the weekend. And I KNOW I went over on Tuesday. This week WILL be different, I promise you! I am calling tomorrow to schedule my first group training class, and it will be for first thing MONDAY MORNING. I am going to shake this bod up like crazy, and next week there WILL be a loss. Oh yeah, and I'm going to make WW Zero Point veggie soup as well as stock up on green smoothie ingredients, which was my weight loss secret two years ago when I had an amazingly reliable weekly losses all the way to goal. Go me!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Channeling My Inner Biggest Loser

As in, let's lose 15 pounds this next week, okay? Hahaha

So, as I said before, I need to drop some pounds before I start another cycle. However, my motivation has been lagging. So today I took two steps towards health and weight loss: I bought a 30 day pass to a personal training gym, and I resolved to schedule the rest of my pole dancing classes before they expire in four weeks!

I'm hoping the combo of these two things, as well as continuing WW for the next 6 weeks will get me back on track. I have one basic, attainable goal, and that is to weigh less at the start of this next IVF cycle than I did at the start of my first IVF cycle, which is about 6 pounds away. I guess if I could have a second goal, I would want to be at a normal BMI, but that might be pushing it since that would be 15 pounds in six weeks, or 2.5 pounds per week. :/ Of course if I found my inner Biggest Loser, I could lose that in a week or two! I wonder if Jillian makes any podcasts or cd's where she yells at you for a few hours at a time? LOL

So hopefully with some better planing, some ass kicking, and some extra motivation, I can do it! Or maybe I can get my doctor to write me a letter as to why Lindora is medically necessary so my HSA will cover it. Haha!

I'm also still checking my blood sugar and having some issues. Some days, it's well under 100. Other days I can have a fasting blood sugar at 120! WTH, right? I'm going to start counting my carbs, which is unfortunate and tedious. Oh, and eating some slower acting carbs at dinner, to see if that helps stabilize my blood sugar. And I should probably go back to my hypnosis app. Regardless, I think I might go back to my Primary Care Doc and get that metformin prescription. I have read that it helps with egg quality, because it helps stabilize your blood sugar. Part of me wishes that diet was doing it for me, and maybe diet would, but I just don't seem to have the patience... :/ Oh well, operation Kick Dip's Ass Into The Ground will commence next week!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Can a Monday be Amazing? Apparently YES!

If you follow me on Twitter, this is old news. Wait a sec, if you don't follow me on Twitter, you should be! Okay, now that's been said. Moving on the topic of the day - IVF #2!!

Turns out that H's company (headquartered in MA) gives even the California employees Massachusetts insurance. MA is a IF Mandated State, so they cover SIX IVF's (or IUI's)! Since we have to pull out the big guns anyway, we would move right to IVF. You can't even begin to imagine how awesome I am feeling about this right now. It's open enrollment now, and coverage will start on March 1.

So what does this mean? It means I need to get ready for another cycle! Which means:

1. I need to get my ass in gear for at least the next month and try and lose the weight I put on in November and December

2. Probably need to place the job search on hold again

3. I can't sign up for any races, and I can't coach TNT

4. I could be pregnant by my 38th birthday!!

I'm so happy today. I read this blog post the other day, and it totally hit home with me. It made so much sense to me, that the good will always balance out with the bad, and it gave me some hope. I feel like I have had enough bad lately, that some good needed to come out of it. Not looking forward to the next bad swing, but hopefully my karma is healthy enough to get me through.

So freaking happy. Best Monday EVER!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Weight Watchers Weigh In: Week 6

Last week's weight: 185.0
This week's weight: 184.4
Difference: -0.6
Pounds lost this time around: 4.8 Pounds left to Goal: 26.4 Damn. I still have a marathon of pounds left to get back to goal weight. And I can't figure out this new Points Plus stuff. Obviously, right? My weight loss (or lack thereof) pretty much says it all. I've been trying to do it all in moderation, but I think I need to start tracking fruit again. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to start tracking fruit and starchy veggies (or maybe stop eating butternut squash). I'm also going to go back to what worked for me two years ago - drinking green smoothies, tracking AP's via my heart rate monitor's calories burned, and leaving about half my WPA's at the end of the week. Maybe next week I will motivate to start BFL or P90X next week. Maybe.
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Current Theme Song

This song really speaks to my heart and soul these days. I'm sure it's not about infertility, but that's how my heart interprets it. So many opportunities of the past that are no longer available, and the vague, weird numb pain that creeps in every now and again.

Plus, Modest Mouse is a kick-ass band, so bonus for you!