Saturday, April 30, 2011

Busting an Infertility Myth: Couples Without Kids Can't Be Happy

Today is the last day of National Infertility Awareness Week®, and I wanted to make this last post special. I wanted to not only show others that pity isn't needed, but I also wanted to remind my fellow infertiles that infertility doesn't define us or our lives.

I started drafting this blog post before I knew about IVF 2.0. It seems almost crazy to me that just a little more than four days ago, I had no idea it was going to happen. But now that I am full blown clycling, it doesn't change the way I feel about this topic.

While the desire to have a child has obviously consumed much of our lives (because, let's face it - if you are reading this blog or are even aware of NIAW, you have been consumed), infertility is not all we are. I spent the last week busting myths and sharing my own thoughts, opinions and struggles, and my God, I have shared a lot of posts about infertility over the life of this blog. Now it's time to take a step in another direction. I need to focus on ME, not my infertility.

I was supposed to pledge to make the infertility posts few and far between, and focus more on life in general. My knitting, photography, food, travel. But let's face it, while you're cycling, it does consume your life. I will try to post about different things. I will probably even start my love letters again. Perhaps one a day telling myself all kinds of positive things about this IVF.

I also wrote this prior to IVF 2.0 becoming a reality:

"Maybe someday, I will get one of those surprise BFP's you hear so much about, but I'm not holding my breath. Or in a few years, maybe I will get the opportunity to adopt a child who needs me. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Until then, today is the first day of the rest of my life, and I plan on enjoying it."

I still plan on this. Whether IVF 2.0 is successful or not, I will still live my life. I promise. We are all more than Infertile. So here's to the rest of our lives. xo

Infertility 101
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Friday, April 29, 2011

Busting an Infertility Myth: “I’m less of a man because I can’t get my wife pregnant.”

From the RESOLVE website:

This is probably the by product of the expression “what’s the matter, you shootin’ blanks” so many guys hear as part of the standard locker room insult fests uttered when a guy of child bearing maturity has not conceived and makes the unfortunate decision to confide in guys that seem to get their wives pregnant by looking at them.

This is really a myth of perspective. You just haven’t gotten your wife pregnant yet, in the way that you hoped it would happen. The most virile man with multi-million sperm count won’t necessarily have a better chance of conceiving if there are complex fertility hurdles to overcome.

You can become more of a man to your wife during the fertility process by learning the lingo and the acronyms for the next procedure so you don’t don that deer in the headlight look when you are in the next consult with your fertility doctor. You can provide an emotional defense system to counter the inevitable insensitive “you just need to relax” or “why don’t you just adopt” comments. You can be the exit strategist at a family gathering, giving the “time to go” sign when things get to an emotional breaking point.

My side: Because our issue is MFI, this particular myth really hits home with me. I know my husband feels like it's all his fault, and I have to be completely honest - I have considered past boyfriends and wondered what their sperm was like. But the truth is I love my husband more than anything, and I would rather be childless with him than a mother with someone else. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop his stepfather from uttering the "shooting blanks" comments, or his mom grilling him on "whose fault it is." Fortunately, his close friends are far more understanding.

He started to learn the ART lingo a little, but has always thought we would get pregnant without intervention. Three years and forty cycles later, neither of us is sure. The hardest part is that he, like most men, doesn't want to talk about it, even though I know he thinks about it. The saddest part is we used to talk about all the things we were going to do when we had kids, and now we have stopped. I'm just not that confident about it anymore, and I don't think he is either.

I guess I need to remind him that he is the man I married, for better or worse, and even though things seem worse now, they will get better, and I wouldn't give him up for 1000 babies.

Infertility 101
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IVF Update and a NIAW Miracle

Unless you follow me on Twitter, you may have missed the latest loop on the rollercoaster, and if it wasn't for Holly, I'm almost positive this cycle would have been canceled. Since I am still working out the insurance crap, it was a little scary to charge the full $6K of meds, especially since I knew I still had to hurdle the bloodwork. So I ordered my lupron kit and five days of follistim and menopur to get me through Monday night. The box arrived, my husband looked inside and immediately freaked out. He had no idea what he was looking at and couldn't tell me anything about what was inside except reading the pharmacy mumbo jumo on the boxes. When he started to get frustrated, I asked him to put the refrigerated stuff into the fridge and I would organize it when I got home.

Well, when I got home, there was no lupron. At this point it was well past clinic hours and even further past Mail Order Pharmacy shipping cutoff, so I was looking at Saturday before delivery. I spoke with a clinic nurse who I happened to have a cell number for, and she *thought* they might have some that I could borrow until my Saturday delivery but couldn't be sure. Even then, that would push stims back another day. I called every pharmacy in the area, and no luck. Fortunately, I posted on Twitter and miracle of miracles, Holly had some!!! I got in my car, and flew to her house. I got to meet adorable Sweetpea and meet Holly and her husband and friend (sister?). I was so relieved and so discombobulated, I barely remember everything. Hopefully soon I will have the opportunity to make a good second impression!

So thanks to Holly, I did my injections at about 10:00pm. She actually gave me enough lupron to get me through the three days I need it for. I am so thankful, and I definitely plan to pay it forward. And maybe knit Sweetpea a little hat or sweater to show my appreciation. I think this is my lucky lupron, and this is what will make this cycle the ONE!

I am so thankful for my Infertile Sisters, without you, I could never get through this, literally. xoxo

And note to self, just get all the drugs at once so you know you have everything. :/ In other news, I feel good. Have some aches but that could be the 10K I ran yesterday. Was able to drink tea to relax last night and sleep. Husband is a little less grumpy too, which is nice.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

National Infertility Awareness Week: Paraplegic vs. Infertile and IVF 2.0 Update, CD3

Today was my first RE appt for IVF 2.0. I'm hoping that nothing comes up with the bloodwork that will keep me from proceeding. Not because I am totally gung ho about this cycle, but because we've already spent the cash. :/

UPDATE: Bloodwork looks great! E2: 63, Prog: 0.8, LH: 3.7, FSH: 6.0 - we are a GO! This is totally coming together.

I was super nervous and borderline freaking out, but seeing my RE did calm me down, and I had a good conversation with the Insurance Coordinator, so I feel slightly better. Trying not to stress, trying to take deep breaths, trying to stay positive. It probably helped that I ran a virtual 10K this morning for Nike's She Runs LA.

Anyway, I have 5 follicles on my right and at least 3 on my left. Since my left ovary is a hider, I am hoping we will get a few more out of it, but at least right now we have potential for 8 eggs. Let's hope the obscene amount of stims we are going to be pumping into my body will do their stuff.

So, barring any unusual bloodwork (please E2 and FSH, be normal), I will start tonight with 0.2 ml lupron, 225 IU's of Menopur, and 225 IU's of Follistim. Next monitoring appt will be Monday, May 2. Go team!

And for NIAW, this is an oldie but a goodie. Plus since I'm a runner, it reminds me to remember the gifts I do still have in life, namely, the use of my legs.

So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile? (author unknown)

1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you’ll be able to walk again!
2. You can’t use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralyzed I wouldn’t have to walk anywhere!
3. My cousin was paralyzed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.
4. I guess God just didn’t mean for you to be able to walk.
5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.
6. Sorry, we don’t cover treatment for paraplegia, because it’s not a life-threatening illness.
7. So… when are *you* going to start walking?
8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk - everywhere I go!
9. But don’t you *want* to walk?
10. You’re just trying too hard. Relax and you’ll be able to walk.
11. You’re so lucky… think of the money you save on shoes.
12. I don’t know why you’re being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.
13. I hope you don’t try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.
14. Look at those people hiking… doesn’t that make you want to hike?
15. Just relax, you’ll be walking in no time.
16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.
17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I’d have a permanent limp, but I’m 100% healed.
18. I’d ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.
19. You’re being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.
20. Don’t complain, you get all the good parking places.
21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.
22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!
23. You don’t know how to walk? What’s wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!
24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you’ll walk.
25. Here, touch my legs, then you’ll walk!
26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!
27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.

Last, I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn’t find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running…

Infertility 101
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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

IVF 2.0 Is Commencing

And I'm shitting bricks. I'm so terrified that I'm going to be screwed by the insurance. I can't imagine they would deny me the meds, but getting reimbursed is going to be another story. $3k spent already today, and that's just enough meds to get me through Monday. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. My husband is going to kill me if we get screwed on this. Now I'm totally second guessing myself. Please God, don't let us get screwed in this deal. I wish I had pushed for coverage earlier as well as the meds, before the coverage terminated. But hindsight is always 20/20, right? I feel like I need a big old cry because I am terrified.

So, 7:40 am tomorrow I have an appointment for bloodwork and the dildocam. I don't even feel like I need good IVF luck, I need good Insurance luck.

Must be nice to get KTFU like most regular people and your only worry is how to pay for the baby once it arrives. If only.

P.S. I don't really want to ask for this because I *should* have insurance covered meds, but if anyone has menopur, follistim, lupron or ganirellix that is set to expire in two weeks and it would go to waste otherwise, I will gladly inject it into my body. Thanks for your support xoxo

Bust an Infertility Myth: You will have multiple babies (high order multiples).

From the RESOLVE website:

It is true that fertility treatment increases the risk of having a multiple pregnancy. However, most twins result from spontaneous conceptions -- couples who conceive on their own! Triplets or more are a different story; approximately 15% of triplet and 7% of quadruplet pregnancies were conceived spontaneously.

The increased risk of a multiple pregnancy during fertility treatment is a result of the medication used to cause or boost ovulation. Approximately 5-8% of pregnancies conceived with the use of clomiphene citrate, an oral fertility drug, are twins. Triplets or greater occur very infrequently. Use of gonadotropins, which are injectable fertility drugs, result in twins about 15% of the time and more than twins in about 3% of cycles.

The risk of multiple pregnancies is also increased with IVF. Younger women are more likely to have twins than those who are somewhat older. For example, in this country approximately one third of women under the age of 35 undergoing IVF will have twins, where as less than 10% of women over 42 will have twins. The risk of triplets is low in all age groups because most women under 35 will have only one or two embryos transferred.

Though fertility treatment generally increases the risk of a multiple pregnancy, the majority of individuals and couples will have a single baby!

My side: I think the number one cause of litters is irresponsible doctors. Doctors that prescribe Clomid like candy, or the extreme - Octomom's doc who chose to transfer 6 embryos into a healthy young woman with previous IVF success. Twins are common, but that is because most women choose to transfer at least two embryos. Why? Because IVF is an expensive procedure and women want to give each cycle the best chance possible of at least one baby. If insurance covered it, there would be fewer twins. In fact, with fewer multiples, fewer preemies, and less disability, we all pay less. So when is infertility going to be covered like other diseases and disorders?

Infertility 101
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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Bust an Infertility Myth: As soon as you adopt, you’ll get pregnant.

From the RESOLVE website:

Adoption does not guarantee or ensure pregnancy, and it should not be used as a means to try and get pregnant. Pregnancy is a biological process, and a couple can not determine if and when they will become pregnant.

My side: Yes, everyone hears these stories. The minute they adopted, they got pregnant. Of course they did! Guess what - adopting in itself will not improve my husband's sperm. Any correlation between adopting and getting pregnant lies only in God's sick sense of humor.

Infertility 101
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Monday, April 25, 2011

CRAP. More Decisions.

Okay, so most of you are aware of my struggles with insurance, etc. I found out today that all of my approvals for IVF have gone through, aside from ICSI/assisted hatching! So, if I wanted to pay for COBRA at $1K+ a month, I could theoretically cycle. Great news, right? Except that the husband and I have already started to move on. I booked a trip to see my mom for the first time in two years. The hubby and I bought a vacation package to Mexico for a steal at a silent auction. We are planning the rest of our lives.

And now we have the chance to put our life on hold again. For how much though? Well, that's the interesting part. ICSI and Assisted Hatching are $1850 alone. Co-payments are estimated at $225. We have a $500 deductible. And I haven't even touched on meds yet. That puts our 1 month cost at somewhere between $3500-4000. Fuck. Especially considering we are currently down an income. I can ask my RE to not do ICSI/AH but I think he would disagree with that decision.

Part of me would feel dumb for not taking this opportunity, but at the same time, another part of me has already moved on. I'm afraid of ripping off that scab because it's likely I will start bleeding again. What are the chances that this cycle would actually work? How shitty will I feel if I put my life on hold again and it doesn't work? Two weeks ago, I would have gone in wholeheartedly, but now that I have been healing for 10 or so days, I'm not so sure I am ready to take the plunge into treatment again.

So I need help - please take my poll. If I don't make this decision in the next 24 hours, we will be out another $1K for sure because CD1 is tomorrow. This rollercoaster sucks and I want to get off, as soon as possible, one way or another. Thanks in advance.

Bust an Infertility Myth: If you can’t get pregnant, you can “just adopt.”

From the RESOLVE website:

If you can’t get pregnant, you can “just adopt.” It’s easy, quick, and inexpensive.

Adoption is not always easy, quick or inexpensive. Adoptive parents must complete a home study which includes home visits, interviews and extensive background checks which are required by both the state and their adoption agency. There is also no crystal ball in adoption that can predict the amount of time the process will take.The matching process can be lengthy, and the entire process can take up to two years. It is important for adoptive parents to remember, however, that their profile will be selected by the birth mother that is meant to work with them. It is also important for adoptive parents to remember that adoption should not be viewed as something they can “just” do if they can not get pregnant. Adoption is not a substitution when pregnancy is not achievable; it is another way to build a family.

My side: I know a few people who have adopted, as well as a few who are trying. There are expensive ways, and there are less expensive ways, but in adoption, much like pregnancy, there are no guarantees. I am open to adoption, but by telling me I can "always just adopt" is not only dismissive to my struggle to get pregnant, but it is insulting to those who have been through the adoption process. Adoption is an option I have always considered, but I also know I have time to pursue it because adoption doesn't depend on the age and health of my eggs, my uterus, or my body. I am focusing on one thing at a time, and right now I am not quite ready to give up the hope of being able to carry my baby to term, to nourish it while it is growing inside my body, to give it the best start to life I possibly can, and to experience the moment where I can bring it into this world. Possibly the saddest part of infertility is to give up these dreams, one at a time, as they no longer become attainable.

Infertility 101
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Sunday, April 24, 2011

Bust an Infertility Myth: If you just relax, you will get pregnant.

Taken from the RESOLVE Website:

If only it were that easy! The fact is, the vast majority of individuals who have infertility have a medical reason, not a stress-related one. Upwards of 90% of all infertility cases are caused by physical problems. In the female partner, the major causes of infertility are absent or irregular ovulation, blocked fallopian tubes, abnormalities in the uterus, and endometriosis (a chronic painful condition where tissue from the lining of the uterus migrates into the pelvis and attaches to the reproductive organs). The male partner can have issues with sperm production which can lead to too few sperm, sperm which can’t swim correctly, and abnormally shaped sperm.

Where the stress/infertility connection may come in tends to be after one has been trying for a while, and the stress of not conceiving easily may then contribute to the problem. But there has never been a study which shows that simply relaxing increases pregnancy rates. Research does show that infertility patients who learn and practice a wide variety of stress reduction techniques can have higher pregnancy rates than patients who don’t learn those techniques.

My side: I have relaxed, I have stressed. I have tried, I have tried harder, I have given up. None of that made any difference in my husband's sperm. And guess what? Timing sex is the only way to ensure you even have a chance, so unless you are committed to sex at LEAST every other day, you need to chart/use OPK's/use a fertility monitor. If you miss your fertile window, you go from a snowball's chance in hell to no chance at all. So maybe relaxing is NOT the answer. If you tend to say this, please stop. If you have a friend or family member that says this you, please share this with them.

Infertility 101
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Saturday, April 23, 2011

National Infertility Awareness Week® April 24-30

National Infertility Awareness Week® Starts Tomorrow!

Every year, I feel more and more able to share this with my friends and family. It takes a lot to "come out" regarding infertility. Why? Because there are so many myths believed by the general public. Family planning is a very personal thing, and even more so when you're infertile. You are afraid of telling people you are trying to get pregnant because you don't want people constantly asking you if you're pregnant yet. You are afraid to tell anyone about your pregnancy because you are terrified you will miscarry and then have to endure telling people the bad news. Many are terrified to be pregnant at all because of late losses. I personally hate the "sympathy" from people who have no idea what I am going through, and the gossip I know they participate in behind my back. It's one thing to talk to me about it, but I hate hearing the comments secondhand.

But I am standing up to the prejudice and misinformation. I am sharing my journey. Why? It doesn't really make me feel better about it, but if I can help just one more person feel a little less alone, it will be worth it.

If you have been affected by infertility, please stand up and make yourself heard, if only for this one week. Remember, infertility affects a minimum of one in eight couples. That's a huge percentage. If we count that as only one out of 16 people (simply to be conservative), that is 6.25% of the population. There are a little more than 300 million people in the United States, and approximately 8 million of those people have or have had cancer. That's only 2.6%. Cancer is a horrible debilitating disease that can kill you, so is obviously more concerning than infertility. However, most people know their friends who have or have had cancer. How many of those people know which of their friends are infertile? According to these stats, their infertile friends outnumber their friends afflicted with cancer twice over. Those numbers might be wrong, but it's still an interesting theory, right? I'm sad that infertiles feel the need to be so secretive.

So, I hope you have an amazing NIAW. Let's bust some myths people!

Infertility 101
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Friday, April 22, 2011


I am still so incredibly frustrated and angry. One week ago we got the notification that our insurance coverage was ending. I talked to my RE's insurance coordinator and she mentioned it might be worth paying for the cobra to get through a cycle. Okay, maybe. Only if we knew we would get a cycle approved and not have to pay $5K out of pocket for OON providers. Last night we got the COBRA info (Yes, $1037 a month, thank you very much) so today I email her to tell her since they hadn't responded yet, I couldn't afford to put my life on hold and pay a minimum of $2000 in premiums to find out that it wouldn't be covered. She writes me back that IVF was approved, but not ICSI or assisted hatching. Ummmm, weren't you supposed to call me right away to tell me that? Why do I feel like you have been sitting on that information for a few days??? FUCK. That would mean I had a chance to work on getting the OON approval prior to the end of this week.

Another reason I am frustrated: FFS how could they not approve ICSI or assisted hatching? My husband's numbers are not borderline, they suck. We fall within all the guidelines for ICSI and assisted hatching! I think he might have a total of 3Mil sperm per sample, and that's being generous, but my RE's office isn't interested in fighting for me, and the IVF Nurse Coordinator won't talk to me. ::headdesk::

On top of that, why don't any of these people listen to me? I'm so incredibly angry. I have tried to push everyone - both the insurance company and my RE's office. Everyone ignored me, drug their feet or pushed back. Nobody wanted to rush on anything. I wasn't even asking for a rush, I was just trying to get it to happen. My RE's office fucked me over the first month by not submitting the info when I asked them to. I was assured that it would get approved when my cycle started. Even when I asked her to submit the paperwork in advance. Then when I found out that she had to submit the paperwork before getting any OON answers, she drug her feet, waited over a week until after her vacation, and then it still took a few more days. I am so angry because if everyone did what they were supposed to do when I asked them to do it, we would have either started or would have been ready to start our cycle. Instead I see my last chance slipping through my fingers.

I think it's incredibly unfair to know that the only thing standing between me and having a family right now is money.

I hate everything right now.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

101 Things Update

I realized that there are a few things I have done, but just haven't updated. To be honest, there are a lot of things that probably aren't going to happen for several reasons. I look forward to donating money to charity I suppose. But there are a few things I HAVE done.

Make a new friend - I feel like I've made a few new friends!
Make a mix CD for H - I did this while he was in the hospital last month :)
Eat vegetarian for one week - I've done this a few times
Have a beach bonfire - Did it last summer
Take H whale watching - Happened in March, New Blog Post to Follow
Invent my signature martini - Citrus Cilantro Serrano, ask me to make you one sometime
Invent my signature cupcake - Lemon Blueberry Ginger
Make homemade limoncello - Did it last year with Meyer Lemons
Participate in the Positivity Challenge - I tried to do it with my love letters, probably as good as it will get
Stay in bed an entire weekend without being sick - Does 5 days of Bedrest Count?

I need to stay on track and remember that I have other things to focus on in my life :)

Monday, April 18, 2011

Marathoning for Infertiles

Now that my life is my own again, and not revolving around an IVF cycle, I need to get my butt running again. I would love to sign up for Nike again, but that is an expensive race entry and an expensive weekend. I could fundraise with TNT again, but I'm not sure I am ready for that kind of commitment, especially with my life in so much turmoil right now. I guess I could talk to the Man first to see what he thinks. I was also really hoping to do a tri for my next big fundraising task. I'm so heartbroken that I'm not coaching. ::sniff:: Stupid H's work. Couldn't you have decided a month ago that you were going to lay him off?

I've been looking at some alternative races, such as the Camp Pendleton Heartbreak Ridge Half Marathon or the Big Sur Trail Marathon, but man - when did races get so damn expensive? $150 for a race isn't even that far off the mark anymore. There are a few cheap local options, but I'm not so keen on running a full marathon when it's a short course with multiple laps. Sigh.

I also need to get back on the weight loss. My ass isn't getting any thinner, that's for sure. I am tempted to go back to Weight Watchers and just do the $12 once a month weigh in. I need to be saving money but I think I also need the camaraderie of meetings. Maybe I will just weigh in Friday mornings and count that weight for my progress.

So, if you know of any fun races that aren't too expensive, send me some suggestions! I would really appreciate it!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Child Free

It's weird. Now that I'm no longer planning an IVF cycle, I finally feel at peace with being child free. I'm not sure it's permanent, but I'll take what I can get.

It's not a good decision, but I threw the dairy free diet out the window tonight. I needed pizza and frozen yogurt! And I also drank diet coke. So bad.

I'm getting back on track with my life though. The parts that were on hold for IVF. Is it too late to sign for a half marathon in a couple weeks? I need to sign up for a full marathon too. I was going to sign up for Nike, but that is an expensive race. The entry alone is $150! I'm super bummed that I'm not coaching the fall season. All this timing stinks. I guess I need to find a different race closer to home so that it's as cost effective as possible.

I also packed up the CBEFM to send to Bacon, thinking I would be starting treatment cycles soon. Now that's changed, but I'm not even sure I want it any more. The test strips are pricey, and I'm tired of caring about my cycle. Do you hear that Universe? I'm giving up. I guess if you want to throw a bfp my way, I'm all for it, even if it does give those "just relax" A-holes more ammo.

On that note, I'm signing off.

Friday, April 15, 2011

There goes that

Husband just got laid off again, insurance terminates as of today. Bye bye IVF #2. Now all I can do is pray for a miracle.

At least I won't be putting my life on hold any longer.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Here I am, still waiting for insurance approval. This time its my RE's office I am waiting on. I feel like my hands are tied. Don't want to piss them off, but this is my life we are talking about. I've waited long enough for this crap. I love my RE, but if this gets postponed another month, I might have to consult with another office.

The other reason I am so frustrated is that my life gets placed on hold for longer with each postponement. I wanted to visit my mom, but I didn't have time to book a flight before my cycle was going to start. And then when I knew it was getting postponed another month, I still didn't have time to book a flight. Same goes for running and races. And if I don't start my cycle in the next two weeks, I will have to cancel an important business trip I have scheduled for July. So my emotions, health and professional life are all affected by this bullshit. Argh.

I'm sure everyone feels like this, and I can guarantee that neither my RE's office nor the insurance gives a crap. I'm sure there are 100's of people in my same situation, so what makes me any better than them? Nothing, other than I mean the most to me. All I can do is keep doing everything I can to make this happen.

So tomorrow, I will call the insurance as well as follow up with my RE's office. That's all that I can do. I guess I will also sign up for some races, even short ones, just to keep me motivated. I have placed my physical health on hold for far too long.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Friday friday

Dear Me,

First of all, you are even more awesome than the Friday chick. Haha. Today I'm proud of you and all your infertile sisters because we prevailed. We didn't sit idle and let a terrorist organization take advantage of us. We stood up for ourselves. Good for us!

That's pretty much all I'm going to say tonight. This love letter thing is good for us, because it at least makes you look for the good in every day, but it is certainly not the way you normally think. Two more days... Let's look forward to an amazing weekend. Xoxo

Love, You

Thursday, April 7, 2011


Dear Me,

You aren't 100% on board with the accepting things you cannot change part quite yet, but you are getting there. You are never going to convince PETA that what they did was wrong, frankly because they are terrorist bullies that have no concept of reality. I am proud of you for your continued move towards a vegan/cruelty-free diet despite hating PETA enough to scarf down a foie gras bacon cheeseburger. The saddest thing is that their radical beliefs takes vegetarianism/veganism/animal rights to a place very few people will even consider. If they wouldn't exude such insanity, perhaps they would get their message out to more people. They would probably save the lives of even more animals! But it's not like they really care about the animals, since their one and only goal is self-promotion. But you have risen above, even though you did spend some time researching emails today. :D

Another accomplishment you had today was going to the farmer's market! Local produce is always good! You got asparagus, swiss chard (2 bunches!), cauliflower, celery and a boatload of strawberries for $9! You amazing bargain hunter, you! You also started gathering your thoughts for NIAW - you're going to do a post a day from April 23 to April 30, which is awesome :) And tonight you are going to make an amazing vegetarian dinner, snuggle with the dogs, watch another documentary, and get some knitting done. The beautiful scarf you are doing for your mother is turning out amazing and will definitely be done in plenty of time for her birthday <3

Plus tomorrow is Friday! xoxo

<3, You

The latest from PETA

They claim they have removed the reference to Infertility Awareness Week, yet it's was still there last we checked and I had yet to receive a response to my original email. Therefore I did some research and found more email addresses for PETA. I also found phone numbers to web people in the marketing department. Enjoy!

Candace Kassman 407-456-2615
Amy Cook 404-309-2292
Joel Bartlett 757-630-6408
Lori Painter 703-201-7390
Christine Dore 269-420-9868
Ashley Palmer 330-933-0282
Frank Schippers 610-529-8857
Emily Nash 912-230-9586
Jessy Easton 818-287-1771
Nare Ovsepian 818-482-5527

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Dear Me,

Today is going to be another short one, but I really wanted you to know how much I admire your empathy. I feel like this is a common theme this week, but I still think it's very important. Today you proved that you have more empathy than a group that supposedly dedicates themselves to empathy for animals. However, they have given up any and all empathy for their fellow humans and then pointed the finger at others. I hope they realize that when they point s finger, there are three other fingers pointed back at them. But enough about them, they already have taken too much of your energy, and they weren't worth any of it.

You are still amazing, more amazing than those hate mongers could ever hope to be. They should be jealous of you. And even though it will be hard, you will eventually have children and will have the opportunity to teach them to be independent thinkers with empathy for ALL living beings, regardless of species, race, culture, medical condition, religion, etc.

If only the world was run by you and your amazing friends, this planet and all the creatures on it would much better off.

Love, You

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Dear Me,

Tonight's love letter is going to be short and sweet. You had quite the day, mostly spent sharing your PETA hatred. Other than that you did well, lots of water, veggies, fruits, nuts and beans today. And your sprouts are sprouting! So excited to try them.

Time for bed, your sleep is important! Xoxo

Love, You

I'm Interrupting the Love fest to hate on Peta

Shame on Peta for targeting RESOLVE's Infertility Awareness Week. I consider myself to more aware of animal rights than most. I don't eat much meat, and have spent about half of my life as a vegetarian. I am currently taking the steps to go almost vegan, have eliminated dairy from my diet, have cut the amount of meat I eat by over 75%, and have decided to only eat eggs derived from cruelty free farms. I adopted both my dogs from shelters, promote spay and neuter programs and try to educate family, friends and acquaintances about adoption, sterilization, and backyard breeders and puppy mills. I am slowly eliminating all products that do animal testing from my house, including Cascade, Neutrogena and Dial. I may not be doing everything I can, but I am doing more than most.

This being said, I do NOT appreciate being the target of Peta's sick joke about infertility by running a promotion IN HONOR OF RESOLVE's Infertility Awareness Week. I've had enough of Peta's one sided, self-promotion. I have had enough of Peta's hypocrisy. I have had enough of Peta's smug attacks on a group of people that is already fighting so much misinformation. I will never click on another Peta link or refer back to the Peta website again.

Are you as pissed off as I am? Here's what you can do:

   1. Email Ingrid Newkirk, PETA President, directly at to express your outrage.
   2. Make a donation to RESOLVE in Ingrid Newkirk's name.
   3. Bust a myth for National Infertility Awareness Week.
   4. Write your own blog post expressing your outrage, tweet about it or Facebook it. Just don't link directly to the page to rob PETA of pageviews. Here's a handy screenshot instead.

Monday, April 4, 2011


Dear Me,

Can I just say you are totally rocking it today? First of all, GREAT job on drinking the water! Plus the green tea - decaf for breakfast, iced with no sweetener in the afternoon. AND you drank your wheatgrass! Your butt is full of antioxidants today! You remembered your vitamins too.

On top of all that, you have a promising plan in place for a cheap, easy, organic and sustainable diet between the new CSA (which I really hope works out for you guys!) and your new sprouting seeds project! It will almost like having a garden, which is going to be rad!

And of course, while it will be painful and you aren't part of the population who needs to see it (for most of these documentaries, you are the choir), you are going to watch The Cove tonight. It was an Academy Award winner, so it's something you need to make time for. Just because it will make you uncomfortable, doesn't mean you should avoid it. Burying your head in the sand doesn't make anything better, and I'm proud that you recognize this.

Last thing you did a great job of today (and last night!) is going through lists of products you are currently consuming and deciding if you can or should continue. You have already cut Norco and Nichols eggs off your list, and while H is not quite on board with the $5/Doz organic free range eggs, you can at least start somewhere. They are local egg producers, but that's not quite good enough. Someday, you will have your own chickens and not have to worry about how you get your eggs. You are also going to revisit all your cosmetics and household products and check to make sure they abstain from animal testing, which I know you are embarrassed you haven't thought about it in a long time, but better late than never, right? Every step counts. I am already thrilled that my beloved Clinique does not. Yay!

Hang in there, Monday is pretty much over! Until tomorrow, xoxo

<3, You

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Lazy Sundays

Dear Me,

Today is day 7 of your 14 day challenge, and you are doing great! You don't always feel like you have much good to say, but I think the important thing is to find something and go from there. Today you had another great day of at least avoiding dairy. You used to cheat so much on weekends with the cheeses and hidden dairy, but today you had another day of reading labels and making good choices, so good for you! You also finally made the shopping trip to get your mason jars and nylon screen so you can start sprouting seeds! I'm really excited about that :) Your blood sugar has been hanging in there, and the better you eat, the better it is, so kudos.

You also signed up to try out an organic CSA. Your eating habits are getting better and better, and of course more sustainable. Thank goodness your husband has you because he is totally oblivious to these kinds of things. I could go on and on, but it's 10:00 pm and you should go to bed so you can relax a little before going to sleep. xoxo See you tomorrow pretty girl!

<3, You

Saturday, April 2, 2011


Dear Me,

Today, you were very good to yourself. You slept well, got up early, knitted and watched a lovely and inspiring movie called "The Human Experience." Then you went out for a hike with your husband (6 miles!), and enjoyed the view, the exercise and conversation. I think the the environment provided the perfect opportunity to really discuss heavier topics you are too tired to discuss during the week. You then had lunch and successfully avoided dairy as well as meat, for the whole day actually. You did ingest some Monsanto corn. Meh, nobody's perfect so don't worry about it. The important thing is that you are doing the best you can and taking baby steps to a better life and better health. And you are continuing this healthy streak by heading off to bed early, but not before you drink some tea and have ants on a log :D xoxo



Friday, April 1, 2011

Shades of Grey

Dear Me,

I don't feel like writing you a love letter today. I didn't really feel like doing it last night either. I am trying to see the posivites in today, and trying to see the light in you, but it's hard. I don't blame you for the way today turned out, I understand how frustrating it is to feel marginalized and dismissed. I also don't blame you for your sarcastic sense of humor that some people don't get (maybe because it doesn't translate well in type). It's who you are.

I know you didn't mean any harm, and I don't blame you for how you feel. The good news is that you are more than capable of dealing with unpopularity. In fact, you prefer a solitary existence, so good on ya.

So maybe today isn't a love fest, but it's the best I can do, considering.

Tomorrow will be a better day. xoxo

Love, You


Dear Me,

Today I am proud of you for being an independent thinker. You don't jump to conclusions or allow emotions to cloud your judgement. You are fair in your assessments and look at all sides before forming an opinion. You aren't hypocritical, and I like to think that you stand by your convictions with evidence and fact. While others may not take the time to even listen to your argument, you know that it is only because their own judgement is too clouded.

Be proud that you have your own opinions, no matter what anyone else thinks. And tomorrow is Friday :) xoxo