Saturday, February 25, 2012

Picking Myself Up

Thanks for allowing me my pityfest yesterday.

I decided today, that as sad and defeated as I feel, I have to keep moving forward. I don't share everything on this blog, and sometimes I feel I might be a little phony for not laying it all out on the line. There are just some things I don't want to talk about.

The biggest thing I haven't discussed is my husband's health. He has been sick for a while. Sometimes he gets better, sometimes he gets worse. Right now he is better, but his disease has affected us in multiple ways, including draining our finances. However, it's his health and this blog is about me, not him. I know he wouldn't be comfortable with me sharing all the gory details of his life, so I won't.

Other things I may have discussed on Twitter, but haven't brought into this blog... My ancient, sick dog and my job.

My 16 year old dog has had issues with her bladder for weeks, and her vet doesn't seem to care enough to get me meds. Long story, but after spending $1000 of money I don't have, I am done with him. I have enough meds to last a lifetime now, so in a couple weeks I'll have her culture repeated. By a different vet.

And my job. I have been working 6 days a week for a while. I think I got two days off back in the beginning of December, and then two days in January. And then I demanded two days off this week. I have been doing two jobs, and last week they doled out a 10% pay cut across the board. This doesn't work for me. I was only getting about $30 a paycheck before (so $15 a week to live on) and my husband is only getting a few hours a week at his TWO jobs. Not to mention he was off work for two weeks because of illness. Now, I am $87 a paycheck short on my mortgage, and that's before groceries, gas, etc. Let's not even mention that I took a 10% paycut in September when I took this job. So, those marathons I was training for? Can't afford to register, much less go. It's hard to train for a race you can't do. Besides, not sure I'm going to be able to train at any quality once I cut fresh fruits and vegetables out of my diet. The good news is that this will be the easiest diet! Hard to cheat when you don't have food in the house. At all.

(By the way, as you can see above, I try really hard to be funny/sarcastic and it just comes out sarcastic. This is why I will never be a great comedic writer. I need to figure out how to take the edge out.)

To add to the paycut, I am still looking at 6 day workweeks, and I have to deal with two people I absolutely despise. Why do I despise them? because they are the epitome of all talk, no action. They are supposed to be helping the company, but they haven't done a single thing that is helpful. They haven't brought in any revenue, they haven't even brought in a decent prospect. What they do is give everything away for free in the name of "business." Supposedly, these business prospects are going to work out and make us money, but in the meantime, I have more work accommodating all of their crap. Oh, and did I mention that they call me incessantly on my cell phone, even on my days off. Maybe if I actually could take a break, I would be in a better mood and not want to rip off their heads and shove them up their asses.

What I am mostly angry about is I love my job and I don't want to move again, but the complete lack of respect for me and my position is infuriating. Sometimes I wonder if I should finally act out of anger, and just quit. I was in a position like this four years ago, and I should have quit then, but I did the "responsible" thing and stayed at a job that I hated until they threw me out four years later. Right now, I might only be $87 short on my bills, if I quit, I will be a hell of a lot shorter. I have been fantasizing about declaring bankrufptcy, and moving away, but I certainly don;t have the balls for that.

Oh, and last - my due date is approaching. Which means I am getting all kinds of fun things in the mail - yesterday I got Similac, a postcard for a balloon company, and an ad for casting my newborn baby's feet and hands in bronze. Fanfuckingtastic. Just what I need! I'm so looking forward to the next 5-10 weeks. At what age do these things stop? Any idea how I can stop them now? If I knew which shitty website sold my name (I'm looking at you, The Bump) I would send them multiple scathing emails. Maybe I should send scathing emails to every pregnancy website out there.

So that's more of what is going on in my world. I'm not a positive person to begin with, so it's hard to see the sunny side. I do love my husband and my dogs, I love where I am living, and I love my job whenever I don't have to deal with the two jackasses. I just need things to get better. I want to be happy, I just haven't yet developed that skill, to be happy no matter what is going on.


  1. I'm sorry things are so tough for you, huge hugs your way. I hope you find better care for your pup, too. As for those damned baby-related mailings? My first loss was over 2 years ago, and I *still* get things weekly about "your toddler's nutrition" and other such fuckery.

  2. First off, I hope you make ends meet and don't have to make those sacrifices you mentioned in this post. You need "Me Time" too.
    Second, I hope that your husband soon gets better or at the very least has some good days soon. I know what chronic illness is like and it sucks and you feel like a burden to your spouse.
    Third, I just hope this is the worst that it can get for you both. From here on out I hope that things do get better.

    Sending you love and high hopes. Oh and I too would want to send nasty emails, letter, and phone calls to those companies. They even sent my mom baby formula for me last year! BUTTHEADS!


Thank you for commenting!