Sunday, May 13, 2012

Comfort to the Childless

I was going to call this post "Happy Mothers Day to the Mothers without children" or some similarly inadequate title. But this post isn't for the Mothers. This post isn't for the mothers who struggled. This post isn't even for the Mothers to be. It's for those who will never become mothers of living, breathing children.

I don't harbor any ill will towards those who have children, I am happy for them, especially for those who struggled, because I know how scary and painful that journey is.

But not all of us become mothers. I hate to sound like a broken record, but lately I have had a hard time facing other people's parenthood. I want to be supportive, I really do. But right now, especially on Mother's Day, I am unable to read about pregnancies and births and first Mother's Days and weaning and teething and the like. I just can't. When I had hope, I was much more supportive. I would get really excited when someone found success from IVF, when they had a surprise pregnancy after struggling with infertility, when they gave birth. But a place without hope is a dark place indeed.

So I dedicate today's post to the women who are in that dark, hopeless world. Those who, for one reason or another, will remain childless. Those who have lost their babies. Those whose babies were never conceieved. Those whose babies were never brought to them through adoption. I hope you can find enough support and comfort to get through this day. The good news is that we won't see a Mother's Day again for a year. To those who are enduring this pain with a male partner, you may have to be extra supportive of him for the next month until we can get Father's Day under our belts too.

We can do it. If nothing else, infertility develops our tough side.


  1. I'm just sorry Dip. For you. For Maria Luisa. For all the women in your position.
    You know, I would feel sad that my stuff is not something you can deal with right now. But on some level, I get it. And I can't be mad or sad or anything in between. Instead I just hope for something better for you than a dark hopeless place. Even if I'm not in your position, I'm still on your side.

  2. Oh Peep, you know I still love you and Ada and the bean in your belly. I still read your blog and skim over the pictures and maybe I can't get too involved in the details right now, but I will again soon. xoxoxo I'm still hoping I can make it to SF one more time to visit before you leave the left coast.

  3. I do understand how you are feeling. I asked J if or how he wanted to celebrated Father's Day. He is opting to ignore the day as its too painful for him right now.


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