Wednesday, November 13, 2013
I've been missing in action. I could blame it on work going from 0 to 100 in the last week, but honestly, I tend to retreat when I'm feeling the most introspective. Which is completely odd because I started this blog to get all my feelings out, especially when I didn't have IRL people to discuss them with.
To be blunt, I'm secretly hoping I'm pregnant.
That being said, after five and a half years of trying, and three essentially unsuccessful IVF cycles, hope is a relative term. I'm not THAT hopeful, when compared to a newlywed for example. But I have more hope than I've seen in a long time.
Why am I hopeful? First, because someone has actually diagnosed and is treating these many small issues with my body, some I knew about and some that were a surprise - low iron, not enough fat and cholesterol, hypothyroid, poor functioning adrenals, metabolic syndrome caused by GMO food. It's been three months since I started this journey and three months is about the timeframe I should be seeing results.
Why else? This is the first time in years I charted my basal temps. I really did it to see if my thyroid started functioning better, but there was a side benefit in seeing when I ovulated. And to make it better, I had sex when I ovulated! We happened to be on vacation, and of course going on vacation makes you pregnant, right? Haha, not really... but lack of work makes it easier to have the stamina for sex.
I'm also at the end of my two week wait, and no spotting yet. Of course, that means nothing. How many times have I gotten my hopes up, peed on a stick, and then had my period start in full force no more than 15 minutes later? Too many times to count. I don't own any pee sticks, so there will be no peeing. At least not for a while. If my period doesn't start in a few days, maybe I'll buy one. I doubt I'll have the chance to hit the drugstore, but then again, maybe I will.
Regardless, I still have hope, even if this moment isn't my miracle. I feel happy for the positive changes I am making. I feel that these are the changes I wish I had discovered five years ago, or maybe even earlier. I think of all the lost years, but I'm grateful I know about it now.