Sunday, December 22, 2013

I Blame My Husband for Everything

Right now I blame him for yet another growing crush. I don't think I am really prone to straying, but it's hard to feel attracted to my husband when he is perpetually in a rotten mood. He's rarely around, but then when he is, he's just intolerable. I'm tired of being snapped at, yelled at, and bitched at. If he's not taking out his frustrations on me, he's ignoring me.

So is it that hard to understand why I have begun to fantasize about a cute, funny, charming, and most importantly pleasant to be around co-worker?

Of course, I'm also currently ovulating. I am also apparently fantasizing about sperm that might be able to impregnate me. Jeez, infertility turns me into a total perv.

I guess I'm also feeling unattractive, since the man I married doesn't make we feel that way. I have no illusions that I can snag these cute boys, but I must be attractive to someone, right? Gah. 

I need an ego boost.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

My Annual Quieting

I haven't actually looked, but I would be willing to bet this blog gets quiet during the holidays on a regular basis.

If there is one thing Christmas makes me realize, it's that I am still unhappy. I spend so much time trying to make things happen in my life, but I feel stagnant. I have/had so many goals - have a baby, pay off my debt, move closer to my mom, own a house. However, I don't feel any closer to accomplishing those things.

I feel like I need to shake things up to make any progress, and that makes me wonder if my marriage is over. Let's just say he is resistant to change, even if that change means a better future for both of us.

And the fact that it's Christmas - I feel like I'm supposed to be happy... And yet I'm not. I'm not at all happy. And I can't pinpoint why. It could be 12 years without celebrating with my mom. It could be that I should be showing a little Dip the magic of the season. It could be because my husband is so preoccupied that he no longer has time for me.

I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know how much I will blog over the next few weeks. Shit, I apparently don't know much of anything.