Tuesday, December 17, 2013

My Annual Quieting

I haven't actually looked, but I would be willing to bet this blog gets quiet during the holidays on a regular basis.

If there is one thing Christmas makes me realize, it's that I am still unhappy. I spend so much time trying to make things happen in my life, but I feel stagnant. I have/had so many goals - have a baby, pay off my debt, move closer to my mom, own a house. However, I don't feel any closer to accomplishing those things.

I feel like I need to shake things up to make any progress, and that makes me wonder if my marriage is over. Let's just say he is resistant to change, even if that change means a better future for both of us.

And the fact that it's Christmas - I feel like I'm supposed to be happy... And yet I'm not. I'm not at all happy. And I can't pinpoint why. It could be 12 years without celebrating with my mom. It could be that I should be showing a little Dip the magic of the season. It could be because my husband is so preoccupied that he no longer has time for me.

I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know how much I will blog over the next few weeks. Shit, I apparently don't know much of anything.

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