Friday, January 18, 2013

Deja Vu

I've been here before.

Starting weight: 187.5
Current weight: 188.0

Seriously? Sigh.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


It's probably no surprise to you, but I'm a fan of the Biggest Loser. It's one of the few reality shows I watch, and it's hard to put a finger on why I enjoy it. It's not for the health and fitness tips because those are pretty remedial. I do enjoy seeing the crazy workouts they put them through, and I find the whole process inspiring.

If you watch the show, I'm sure you already know that so much of it is mental. You can be motivated in the short term. You can allow a trainer to force you through workouts until you puke. You learn to eat healthier and in a controlled environment you are without the normal temptations of every day life. There is short term motivation in having to step on the scale and face elimination. There is short term motivation in the monetary prize at the end of the season. However, if you don't get your head right, the weight loss won't last. They say this over and over and over.

So, is my head right? No, I don't think so.

The most successful I have ever been in terms of weight loss was trying to lose weight so I could get pregnant. It was so important to me, and in my mind, it was possible. If I lost the weight, I had hope that I would get pregnant. That was the year I reached my Weight Watchers Lifetime goal. That was the year I ran my first full marathon. I thought I had it together, and I was sure I would never gain it back. I was also sure that I would continue to lose to reach my ultimate goal of 145. It was only 11 pounds more, right?

Then life happened. The holidays happened. I started the New Year about 10 pounds heavier. There was a new WW program, points plus, which for some reason failed me. The reality of infertility set in, and I continued to eat. Fast forward another year or so. Two failed IVF's and a miscarriage. I didn't care any more, and then when I did care, I didn't care. My health didn't seem as important. It was so easy to just gloss over it.

I understand I'm nowhere near the mentality of someone who weighs 300 pounds, but I need to get my head right, and I'm not sure where to start.

Sunday, January 13, 2013


I signed up for Weight Watchers again one week ago, but you would never know it by the way I spent this last week. I don't even feel like I ate that bad today, but right now, about two hours after dinner, I feel disgusting. Bloated and uncomfortable.

What's my issue anyway? I seem to have some sort of amnesia when it come to what I should or shouldn't be doing. Like eating - I conveniently forget that I'm supposed to track. Wait, track? Oh yeah, track! Ugh.

So, one week in, it's time to regroup. I need to plan a week of food. If I can't remember to track, I guess I need to just make it mindless.

I also need to plan out some extra exercise. Maybe I need to take my snowshoes to work for a midday hike. I certainly need to do things other than clean or watch tv on my days off. I have got to get ME back.