Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Feeding my Body

At the urging of my mother, who has gotten the brunt of my complaining about my RMR test results, I saw a nutritionist today. A little more money out of my FSA spending account, and it couldn't hurt, right?

When she first suggested it, my immediate reaction was "There aren't any nutritionists in my small town!" Then I remembered I had met one at a Young Professionals event. When I met her and talked about what she does, I was intrigued, but when I looked her up online, I was a little hesitant to contact her. Why? Because on her blog she discusses fertility and hints at religion. I did not want to be judged for my multiple IVF's and inability to get pregnant.

I went in today planning on avoiding the whole subject, but as a thorough practitioner that understands health issues can come from many different sources including nutrition, we got into all of it. One of the questions was to list all the drugs you have ever taken - hello, IVF! She was actually very understanding. I was glad I didn't get any judgy feeling from her. Once we talked about that, she talked about healthy fats including saturated fats and cholesterol were the building blocks of the sex hormones and the key to healthier sexual function and reproductive health. And it didn't feel preachy at all, thank goodness!

She wants me to eat a lot more fat. In fact, she is recommending 40% of my diet to be healthy fat. Grass fed butter, nuts, avocados, whole milk products, as little processed and artificial as possible. The other part equally split between protein and carbs. She feels that once my body gets back on track and balanced, the weight will start to melt off. She also said that toxins - everything from pesticides to artificial sweetener to preservatives - are usually what keeps your body holding on to fat even when you are cutting calories.

She is going to start me slow, probably before lowering the guillotine and making cut out gluten (UGH), so for now my only instructions are:

40% Fat, 30% Protein, 30 Carbohydrates, coming mostly from veggies and fruit

No artificial sweeteners, hydrogenated oils, high fructose corn syrup, or soy

No carbs for breakfast! Only protein and fat. Apparently I can "cheat" by boiling a bunch of eggs and eating those

No artificial sweeteners. If I want to drink coffee or tea, I can use raw honey or stevia, and only half and half or whole cream.

No more fat-free or reduced fat anything

Three times a day, and then also whenever I feel a craving, I need to eat a spoonful of coconut butter

I need to drink 1/2 my body weight in ounces of water. For every non-water drink I have (tea, coffee, wine, etc.) I need to add another 12 ounces

Last, she gave me two supplements. They are just to support my digestion, liver and gall bladder when embarking on this new way of eating. Eventually my body will get the memo and start doing it by itself. They are both from the Biotics Research Corporation - One is called Hydro-zyme and the other is called Beta-TCP.

She won't make me count calories because she feels that if I'm eating the rights things, I will lose weight based on my body functioning better and my belly to brain connection getting more accurate as in my hunger and satiety cues will be clearer. She mentioned my years on birth control pills as one of the reasons I don't seem to have the "I'm full" switch working correctly, but I can remember eating a shit ton as a kid so maybe that's not my only problem. Anyway, I will be counting calories ONLY to ensure I am eating enough. Something tells me this won't be an issue.

Anyway, DietBets end this weekend, and my follow up appointment is in three weeks. Let's see what happens!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Repairing a Metabolism

Well, apparently I've done it. I've gone and fucked up my metabolism.

I'be been following Weight Watchers the same as I did when I first lost my weight, so why wasn't it coming off the same way? I know I'm a few years older, but come on! I chalked it up to the program changing and pushed on.

A couple weeks ago I found out I had to drain my FSA account by the end of the month. Long story. Anyway, I had started reading about Eat More To Weigh Less. As I got closer and closer to goal, I found it kept getting harder to lose. So I thought that using my money to get my metabolism tested might be a good idea and get me the information I needed in order to continue to improve my body composition.

So I went in for the test. Took off an ENTIRE DAY from exercise, dealt with my dogs meltdowns due to no walks, and didn't eat the whole morning leading up to my test.

My results? 944 calories a day at rest. It should be at least 1500.


I know I have been eating low calories for six months or so, but never under 1200 and often well over. And for at least 3-4 months before that, I wasn't restricting my calories at all. I'm currently in talks with the office that did the test to see if it could have been a mistake, since it was almost 40% less than normal.

That being said, I have some DietBet's ending this week and will start a metabolism reset this Saturday. I'm not looking forward to gaining weight and I will be bummed if I gain a bunch, but at the same time I know I need to let my body fix itself.

The other thing that bums me out is that I should be lifting more weight and doing less cardio. Well, I'm just now coming off a runner's high from my trail relay and I want to sign up for a marathon. I'm not sure how that will work just yet.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Where The Fuck Did That Come From?

My last post was just an exercise in futility - the fact that it has been almost 2000 days since I threw away my BCP pack and got giddy with the excitement that I would soon be with child. Of course, we all know how that turned out. If you don't, you can always look at the abbreviated History page.

My friend Rebecca asked if I were getting back into the TTC world. Wholeheartedly (I thought), No! But then again...

I have a friend who has PCOS and doesn't ovulate. She isn't interested in pursuing IVF or any other ART, drugs, etc. and I completely respect her for that. She is going to a Chinese medicine doctor, and being Chinese herself, she doesn't trust a Caucasian Chinese medicine practitioner. I have to respect her for that too.

Anyway, after seeing this Chinese medicine practitioner, who specializes in infertility, she is very excited for me to see this doctor as well. My initial response was "no way." Or more specifically, "NO WAY IN HELL AM I GOING TO THAT DARK PLACE OF INFERTILITY AGAIN." But now, here I am, thinking about it. I mean, a few acupuncture needles and some herbs. What's the harm?

This just illustrates how CFNBC fucks with your head. It's nearly impossible to make a full decision and stick with it. Or at least it is with me. Maybe I'm the dickhead here.

I don't have an appointment, yet, and I haven't made a single step towards the darkside. But I have considered using some of my leftover FSA money to purchase CBEFM sticks. What does that say to you?

Only that I'm an idiot.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Infertility of Marriage

Infertility, and in many ways, life in general, is taxing to a marriage. I have seen too many couples break up. Some are terrible stories of disrespect, and others end because the stress caused them to slowly grow apart, as if the pain made life together unbearable.

I have noticed a chasm in my marriage, pushing us apart. We are well past infertility and treatment and making child free decisions, so this is not necessarily infertility related. However, as any infertility survivor knows, getting past infertility does not heal the wounds - the influence of something like that extends throughout your life.

My husband has a very stressful job. It's odd to think of his job as being stressful, because he has a cool sounding title at a cool sounding company. I know first hand what that's like, having formerly worked for the wicked witch of the west at a cool sounding company.

Complete days off over the last year could be tallied on fingers and toes - he often works seven days a week. He gets to work by 7:30 am and rarely comes home until after 6:00 pm, and then he spends his evening checking emails and answering texts and phone calls. I don't remember the last time he really spent a moment with me.

I have been getting more and more frustrated. When I try to talk to him and he is staring at his phone, it makes my blood boil. When he walks through the door, fuming at his day, and his mood compbined with his arrival at 7:30 pm, after we have settled down for the evening, and agitates the puppy to the point of barking and tearing around the house grabbing at inappropriate chew toys, that bothers me. When he blows up at me for asking him to put down his phone, look at me or come do bed at 11:00 at night, I wonder if I can put up with his shit much longer.

I just want things back to where they were. The miscarriage was very difficult, but we pulled together. The move was stressful but once we got here, it was better. This job is challenging our relationship more than I could have ever imagined.

Tonight we are meeting up with another couple for dinner, and being on a weight loss plan, I'm trying to plan my meal. I can't decide between two dishes, and in cases like these, I can usually convince him to get one so I can get the other and we can share. We do this all the time. This one thing made me realize that I can't imagine life without him.

We need to talk about our relationship - I just hope he can put his phone down long enough to listen to me.