Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Still Waiting

To actually be okay.

I know I embarked on this Real Food diet to heal my body so I can get stronger, lose fat and balance my hormones and blood chemistry. But honestly, I continue to be motivated with the prospect that I might have the opportunity to get knocked up.

When am I going to learn?

These moments of anguish and heartbreak, that come out of nowhere, put a damper on my happiness. The sooner I get over hope, the better. Right?

Hope is a fucking whore.

2 comments:

  1. Yes it is. I always kept hope with each new cycle. Finally I went the donor egg and donor embryo route realizing that for me I just wanted to be a mother and didn't care about my genetics. For my spouse it took a bit longer to realize that he too just wanted to be a father to a child. Of course this isn't for everyone.

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  2. Hope is a bitch... it keeps haunting me, too. My husband will be having a vasectomy in May- I both fear and look forward to that day. I look forward to getting off of the hope/despair roller coaster, but at the same time, I'm not sure who I am anymore without that hope/despair roller coaster. You know? I'm afraid that my life has been so entangled with TTC, that when there is officially no hope of conceiving anymore, life will be over. Irrational? Yes, but it's how I feel.

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