Wednesday, January 14, 2015

My Infertility Rant of the Day

My first mistake was reading the comments. NEVER read the comments. But now I have to respond.

One infertile's success does not help or harm another's chances.

I'll say it again.

One infertile's success does not help or harm another's chances.

I was recently in Las Vegas discussing gambling with a lovely friend and her just-as-lovely husband. We were talking about Roulette and the chances of hitting black or red. Even if it has been black 20 times in a row, it doesn't have any effect on the chances of the next spin to be red. Same as flipping a coin. Heads 30 times in a row doesn't change the 50/50 odds that it could be heads again.

What's my point?

My point is that while I can be happy for someone who has gotten pregnant against all odds and/or through reproductive assistance, it doesn't give me hope for myself or anyone else. I also don't think that one person getting pregnant uses up one of the limited chances in the universe away from another.  Also, being happy for someone else does not lessen the grief that I feel for myself.

A pregnant infertile is NOT a "win" for the Infertility Community. Pumping up the miracle side of things can actually hurt the infertility community as it perpetuates the myths, such as relaxing, ceasing to try, continuing to try, hoping hard enough, not giving up, etc. will result in a pregnancy and therefore a baby.

Guess what else? People are allowed to feel any way they do. They should also be allowed to express their feelings, whether you agree or not. Ganging up on someone because they are brave enough to express what they (and probably a lot of others) are feeling. If there is one thing this community should stand for, is sharing these feelings so that the ones without a voice feel supported and not alone.

And yet our community, while standing up for one person can publicly chastise others for expressing these feelings. For feelings they might themselves be having IF they were still in the trenches.

If more of us had just a little empathy, none of this would even be a discussion.

7 comments:

  1. Well said. I think Mel said it how bizarre it is that we're connected through pain and that in itself is mired with bombs as when I'm in so much pain, it's much easier for me to blow up/react compared to when I'm not in a lot of pain.

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    1. That was very well said yourself! That analogy is spot on <3

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  2. Thank you for this post (and your comment). Could not agree more. It is possible to hold two opposing thoughts and feelings at the same time. That makes for difficulty, certainly, but it does allow us to grow.

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    1. We just need to be more empathetic, understanding and accepting as a community for us to grow! But, much like world peace, it seems almost unattainable. I am afraid there will always be those who lash out for whatever their reason.

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  3. Bravo! So glad you said all of this!

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Thank you for commenting!