Sunday, June 21, 2015

All The Feels

Healing is this up and down rollercoaster. As the ride continues, the dips and rolls aren't so strong and certainly further apart, but they often show up unexpected.

This is not news. I've talked about it before. Anyone who's been through it knows it well.

This morning I saw an email in my junk folder about and online summit about Fertility at 40+. Anyone who knows me, knows I've been on this high fat, high cholesterol kick for a couple years now. I eat real butter, full fat dairy, coconut oil, grass fed beef, pastured eggs, and even bacon. I don't stay away from any real food, I just try to stay away from the chemicals. I started this to heal inflammation in my body with the off hope that I might also heal my fertility. With this change, I subscribed to a lot of real food blogs and email lists, and this was one of those email lists. The summit is free, so of course I signed up for it.

But with that small step, in a matter of seconds, my brain went through a whole gamut of emotions and thoughts. Do I still want to get pregnant? Yes, I think I do. Maybe I heal my fertility, but hub's sperm still sucks? Maybe I can get him to watch the webinars too. Ugh, probably not. Why am I getting my hopes up? Should I give up wine? This is a waste of time.

All these thoughts. Ridiculous.

I signed up. I can't lose anything, except maybe my time. Maybe I won't even make the effort to watch the webinars. We'll see.

But it did make me think I need to have a conversation with the husband. He's not been talking lately, we've not been talking. I mean we talk, and we spend time together, but we don't TALK. I have a lot of feels I need to express.

1 comment:

  1. I was really sure I'd responded to this. Obviously not!

    I understand your comment, "I have a lot of feels I need to express." You're so right about this being a rollercoaster. I'll be interested to see if you feel the need to watch the webinars, and how you feel after them. Wishing you luck with "all the feels."

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