Sunday, March 29, 2015

Thoughts at a Wedding

I'm in another weekend with the hubs, attending a wedding. While I feel rather pudgy and kinda hate how my dress looks on me, I'm still liking this time away.

I do believe last weekend was a breakthrough for me! We saw brother and sister in law, who got married after we had already started trying (hub told EVERYONE at that wedding that we were trying) and have two kids. She gave birth to her second child right about the time I decided not to go through IVF any longer. So, as you can imagine, I'm expecting lots of feelings.

I actually felt okay! Of course it crossed my mind more than once, but overall I was good. More than good - I was still happy! I didn't feel like crying and I wasn't counting the minutes until we could leave. In fact, BIL asked if we wanted to get together for breakfast before the wedding "because we wake up early." I giggled last night as I pulled the blackout shade in our hotel room because we get to sleep in as late as we want. We get to enjoy each other. We get to drink mimosas without worrying about anyone but ourselves. For the first time I don't feel like I'm lying to myself when I focus on these things :)

Now I'm off to see a wedding and drink like I don't care how I look in my dress ;)

Now I need to work on feeling as good about work...

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Love, Wine, and Childfree

I've been slacking on this blog, but what else is new? Work has been kinda shitty with drama, which makes me sad because I left a job I loved to take this one. That's one reason for my silence. I guess I just keep my head down and remember this job is allowing us to pay debt and have good vacations.

But I have had my story featured on Lesley Pyne. Most you know my story, but maybe I get a few new readers out of this.:)

Speaking of good vacations from my job as well as from being childfree, I was able to get out of town this last weekend with my husband and dogs, we had four lovely days in wine country. I tasted a lot of wine, discovered some new favorites, did a lot of good eating and relaxing. This is something we could not easily do with a child in tow. I could not have bought as much wine as I did, or joined the clubs we did if we had a baby as well.

And this weekend we are living it up at a wedding - romantic suite, bottle of wine, and champagne brunch. Once again, who would watch the baby? How would we afford this awesome suite and diapers?

I have always kept adopting in the back of my mind, mostly to soothe my heart when it was hurting, when I see someone's baby grow up into a toddler and then a little person. Or see someone's first ultrasound photo posted on Facebook. I knew it would still be an option for at least a few more years. But I'm coming to peace with being childless forever.

Would I have been thrilled to be a parent? Of course I would. Would I miss wine tasting and long weekends away? Probably not, because we spent so much time focusing on procreation, that we stopped doing these things. Am I now seeing a silver lining? Yes, I have to say that I am. Fate brought me here, so I'm going to enjoy it. I dare someone to tell me that I am being selfish. In a way I am, but it wasn't my choice. It was the cards I was dealt, and now I'm making limoncello out of those damn lemons.

Anyway, if you are childless like me, and want a fresher, more positive outlook, you should add Lesley to your blog reader.