Sunday, April 30, 2017

Abusive Relationship

I think I am just now realizing that my marriage is verbally abusive.

I don't know how to get out. Small town and I have nowhere to go without leaving town and subsequently my job.

We have business together. Not sure how to proceed without going bankrupt. Feel like I have no options and I'm stuck.

I often wish he would just leave me, but I'm his money ticket. He's successfully drained my extra cash and made it next to impossible for me to leave him.

I've successfully pushed every friend away, and am too ashamed to share this with my closer friends and family. I'm alone and it's my own damn fault.

I guess the first step was recognizing this. The next step is to work on my own happiness and self esteem.

Not sure where I'll go from there, but it's a start.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Fat Loss

The original name of this was "Operation Fat Ass" but at the same time, I'm pretty happy with my ass.




It's my belly that bothers me.

I was also going to insert a funny meme about having a belly, but the ones I found are awful.

Anyway, I'm sort of back to counting macros and calories, except my food scale died. So I'm estimating.... which is not accurate in the slightest. Anyway, A few days ago, I was at 185, today I'm at 187. Ideally, I would like to be about 170 by July.

For anyone interested, I'm shooting for:

1724 calories
129 grams protein based on slightly more than 1 gram per pound lean mass
194 grams carbs
48 grams fat

Which should put me at a little more than 1 pound per week loss. That also means I won't actually reach this goal even if I'm perfect every single day. Le sigh. I really wanted cut down to a weight low enough so I can go on a bulk, or at least maintenance and not feel pudge, but I guess if I need to reduce my cut this summer to live life, it will be okay.

Deadlift Day, 4/22

Front squat
45x9
65x5
85x3
115x1
135x3
 
 
trap flat handle
135x3
155x1
185x1
195x1 - forgot it was supposed to be a triple 
195x3
 

Deadlifts
6x200x1


Banded Deads, Blue Band -30 second rest intervals
8x135x1

Seated leg curl
3x105x12

Seated calf raise
3x95x15

Air bike
4x20

Plank
2x30 seconds

Starting stretching

Decline Day, 4/21

Close Grip Decline Bench
45x8 (not recorded)
55x5
65x5
75x3
85x1
105x6
110x6
95x8
 

Push Press
65x3
75x3
85x3 (Not recorded!)
85x1 - Pushed out on rep 2


Face Pulls
3x75x12

Hammer Curls
3x17.5's x 12

Machine Assisted Pull up (someone was on the lat pulldown)
2x200x12
200x9

Barbell Shrug
2x90x12

Air Bike
5x20

Starting stretching
 
Super bummed about missing recording my Push Press PR!

Squats, 4/19

Missed a big couple of weeks in here! Got to 175 on my squat but depth was questionable. Now I'm in a bit of a deload, and working my way back up
Comp Stance Squat
45x8
65x5
85x3
105x1
6x115x2

Close stance
3x95x6

paused
3x95x3

wide stance
2x65x10


Seated Leg Curl
3x100x12

Seated Calf Raise
3x90x15

Bench Press 4/18

Heh, it was hectic the last few weeks but now it seems to have slowed down. Missed a few weeks of posting! Instead of bombarding you with the last 3 weeks, I figured I would post the last week.

Bench Press
45x8
55x5
65x3
75x1

Paused

85x1
100x1 (for whatever reason I did close grip)
100x1 (normal grip)
110x1 - not paused
110x0


Wider Grip, paused
85x1
95x1
105x1

Touch and go, wide grip
2x75x8
 

Dumbbell Bench
10's x 35
2x22.5's x 25


Rear Delt Raise
3x12.5's x 12


Hammer Curls
17.5's x 5 - shoulder and biceps were TIRED
3x15"s x12


Close Grip Cable Row
3x80x12


Plate Shrugs
2x 45's x12


Crunches
5x15


Reverse crunches
3x12


Starting Stretching

I started doing Starting Stretching about a week ago, and it's really helped with some of the aches and pains I was feeling. Of course, now I have different aches and pains but not related to Starting Stretching

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Finding the Motivation

Gonna try really hard to drop some weight in the next couple of months. I have 13 weeks until my birthday. I haven't been motivated, possibly because I have this powerlifter mindset in the back of my head that I can eat all the things.

However, I would like to lose about 20 pounds. That would be 1.5 pounds a week. Hopefully I have added some muscle in the last year, and especially the last 4-5 months while I've been eating all the things.

I'm pretty overweight so I think I can handle a bigger deficit.

I am going to shoot for 1700 calories daily, 128g protein (~1g/lb LBM), 47g fat, and 191g carbs.

I'm also going to strive to get my 10,000+ steps a day.

Wish me luck.....

Friday, March 31, 2017

Deadlifts, March 30

Front squat
45x865x5
85x3
105x2
115x1
130x1


trap, raised
135x5155x3
175x1
195x1
210x1



deadlift
15x165x1


Deadlift Cardio LOL


Bands
3x140x2



After so many singles, I always forget when I have doubles


Seated Leg Curl
3x100x12

Seated Calf Raise
3x90x15

Crunch
4x15

Reverse Crunch
3x10

Plank
3x30 Seconds

Wade says I was breaking parallel on front squats, but I can usually go deeper so I know I'm still dealing with my tight hip. He also says I have more in the tank on the Trap Bar, but instructions were to PR by 5 so I went with my estimated 1RM from last week's 195x3. I'll go higher next week.

CGDB/OHP March 31

45x8
55x5
65x4
75x2
85x1
95x1
105x6
95x8



Felt like I did a little better, although something in my brain keeps me from really allowing myself to bounce the weight off my belly. I also noticed the lower the touchpoint on my torso, the more tightness I would lose. I continue to learn.


OHP, strict
45x5
65x1
85x0
75x1
65x5




I have no idea where that 85x1 I supposedly did in December came from. Probably all the sugar from the holidays....


Face Pulls
3x75x12

Hammer Curls
3x15x12

Close Grip Pulldown
3x80x12

Barbell Shrugs
3x90x12

Hanging Leg Raise
2x10

Crunch
3x15

Reverse Crunch
3x10

Plank
2x30 Seconds

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Squats, March 27

45x8
65x5
85x3
2x105x1
125x1
2x145x1
155x1
 
 

5x165x1
 
 

Close stance
3x130x6
 
 

paused
3x105x3
 
 

Out of time... 

Later:
wide stance
2x65x10
 
 

Pin Squats
65x8

Comp Stance
3x165x3
 
 
Seated leg curl
3x95x12

Seated calf raise
3x90x15

Crunch
7x10

Heel taps
3x10

Hip is pretty tight. Took some alleve and using heating pad tonight. I am happy I finally got at least one rep with decent depth. I think I may have taken the foam rolling and stretching a bit far. Will 100% rest it (aside from walking) until deads on Thursday and will then foam roll it right before. In the meantime, epsom salts and heating pad

Bench Day, March 28

45x8
55x5
65x3
75x1

Paused

85x1
100x1
105x1
110x0

Wider Grip Paused
85x1
95x1
105x1



Dumbbell Bench
10's x 35
22.5's x 25
20's x 25

Face Pull
70x12
2x75x12

Hammer Curls
3x15x12

Wide Grip Row
3x80x12

Barbell Shrug
3x90x12

Crunch
3x10

Cross Body Crunch
2x10

Reverse Crunch
3x10

Plank

3 x 30 Seconds

Barbell Math issues this morning. Thought I was doing 110, but was only 105 and didn't realize until I had already done it and was examining the plates.

Friday, March 24, 2017

Deadlift Test Day! March 24


Front Squat
45x8
65x6
85x3
105x1
120x1



Trap Bar Dead
135x3
155x1
170x1



Conventional Deadlift
2x135x1

165x1
185x1
205x1
215x1
230x1 - Planned PR
235x1 - PR!
 
 














Getting hassled by the gym owner again for doing heavy singles.... UGH


Thursday, March 23, 2017

Decline Bench, March 23

45x8
55x5
65x3
75x1
85x1
100x6
105x6
95x8

 

Push Press
50x5 (not recorded)
65x1
80x3 - That's a PR, ugly but a PR!


FacePulls
3x75x12

Hammer Curls
3x15's x12

Close Grip Pulldowns
3x80x12

Barbell Shrugs
3x90x12

Hanging Leg Raise
3x10

Weighted Crunch
3x10x10

Reverse Crunch
3x10

Plank
40 Seconds

Today was a little off in recordings because Mr add all the plates and do half reps was back. Haven't seen him since about December? He was likely annoyed I was using the bench set up, so he drug another bench to the squat rack to do some sets so when I was ready for push press, I had to warm up outside of the rack with the preloaded barbells. No worries, he was happy to move to the bench when he realized I was done, but I had to drag his bench out LOL Oh well, it is what it is. I did get my Push Press PR even though it was ugly as all get out. I remembered to squeeze my butt cheeks.

I watched Wade's vlog about fear and it all makes sense logically, but implementation is harder than that. I do understand that he doesn't want me to miss per se, but I also know that I have not pushed myself to the limit yet and my impression is that he is still looking to find my limit, hence I have to miss to know I was at my limit. Does that make sense? I still think I need to intentionally miss and use the safeties to prove to myself there are worse things in life. Not prove to my logical brain, but prove to my emotional brain. The mental struggle this week is real, I am beating myself up a bit for not just doing it. Hopefully this tug of war in my head inspires me to make changes for next week's squat session. I may "miss" on the safeties tomorrow during front squat even though I will be 25 pounds under PR, just to do it. Dip my big toe into the water. Baby steps. I've always been super conservative in many areas of my life, it's hard to break out of that mindset.

If you would like to see the Vlog, here it is:

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Squats March 21


45x8
65x6
85x4
105x2
125x1
145x1
155x1
5x165x1

Close stance
3x130x6

paused
3x105x3

wide stance
2x65x10

 
 
Seated leg curl
3x95x12

Seated calf raise
3x90x15

Crunches
2x14

Reverse Crunch
2x14

Heel Taps
2x14

Plank
3x30 seconds

My depth sucked. I know it's stupid, but I am afraid to get into the hole. Stupid brain. But at the same time, the easier weights still had depth issues. I need to focus on my mobility more, #1. I also need to be better about taking my creatine. I need to let myself fail, maybe that will get my head on straight.

Also, gym owner was asking me about my rep ranges. When I said mostly singles, he tells me it's dangerous. When I said it was part of powerlifting, he said he doesn't like powerlifting. He says 8 should be the minimum number of reps, and I'm thinking OMG, cardio! I promised him I wouldn't let my form break down too much.

Last, first for me! Warming up with some guy's max LOL I was squatting my last set of 165 poorly, and afterwards he asked if he could work in with me, but he wasn't working with that kind of weight. I told him I was moving to 130 for close stance, and he said he wanted to do 135, so I asked if we could use the 35 pound plates and just add more plates when he was ready. He warmed up with just the 115 a couple times and then he said he would do a set with my 130, and then he was done. I gotta cling to the little things.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Bench, Monday March 20

45x10
55x5
65x3
75x1
3x90x3 paused

Wide grip, paused
85x1
90x1
95x1


Dumbbells
10's x 35
2 x 22.5's x 25

Facepulls
70x12
2x75x12

Hammer curls
3x15's x12

Wide grip cable rows
3x80x12

Barbell shrugs
3x90x12

Weighted crunches
3x10x15
10x10

Reverse crunch
3x10

Plank
40 seconds
30 seconds

Today felt pretty strong. Probably helps that it was a weight I am pretty comfortable/confident with. I definitely need to work on getting past my brain.

Friday, March 17, 2017

Deadlift Day, Friday March 17

Front Squat
45x8
65x5
85x3
105x1
115x1
135x3 - Triple PR
I've been seeing issues with depth lately when it gets heavier. It's always borderline. I guess when I get to squatting 200+ without depth, those lighter weights will be nice and deep! Ha!


Trap Deads, raised handle
135x3
155x1
175x1
195x3 - Triple PR. Have not been going hard enough on these. I set my single PR back when I first started and didn't have that much confidence, so when you only increase 5 pounds every other week but you are many pounds away from your actual max, you don't get better very fast!


Deadlift
8x165x1
Trying to be faster and more aggressive since this is a fairly light weight.... 
 
 
Banded Deadlift
8x155x1
These are supposed to be fast and aggressive LOL
 
 
Seated leg curl
3x95x12

Seated calf raise
3x90x15

Crunches
3x15

Reverse Crunch
3x15

Plank
45 seconds

Vet called yesterday, they got all the margins, so no more tumor!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Decline Bench and Overhead Press Day Thursday, March 16

45x8
55x4
65x2
75x1
85x1
95x1
115x3 - needed a little help there... :(
100x6
90x8



Push Press
45x5
80x1
75x2

need to remember to squeeze my butt



I feel like I'm at a point where my lifting is getting ugly LOL

Cut Update 031617

Monday, March 13
Calories: 2092
Carbs: 110
Fat: 28
Protein: 102
Fiber: 10
Activity: Bench day
Weight: 186
Apple watch move calories: 917
Apple watch total calories: 2938
Apple watch exercise minutes: 121
Apple Watch stand hours: 17
Apple Watch Steps: 10,788

Tuesday, March 14
Calories: 1813
Carbs: 236
Fat: 41
Protein: 121
Fiber: 14
Activity: Squat day
Weight: 183.5
Apple watch move calories: 940
Apple watch total calories: 2795
Apple watch exercise minutes: 153
Apple Watch stand hours: 14
Apple Watch Steps: 9818

Wednesday, March 15
Calories: 1851
Carbs: 148
Fat: 103
Protein: 78
Fiber: 7
Activity: Nada
Weight: 185.5
Apple watch move calories: 297
Apple watch total calories: 2054
Apple watch exercise minutes: 5
Apple Watch stand hours: 12
Apple Watch Steps: 5749


Not great the last few days. Calories are down, weight is down but some of that is the diuretics from my bloaty bloatedness. Somewhat struggled to get the protein in, and I pretty much sat on my butt yesterday....

Squats, Tuesday March 14

45x8
65x5
85x3
105x1
125x1
145x1
3x160x1

These felt heavy and off balance, depth was lame. They felt uglier than they looked though.



Close stance
3x125x6

paused
3x105x3

wide stance
2x65x10



Leg curl
3x95x12

Seated calf raise
3x90x15

Hip drop
3x12

Crunch
3x12

Tabletop oblique crunch
3x12

Woke up early this morning with female abdominal pain - my cysts/fibroids are acting up. I don't remember if I blogged the bloating/belly pain that I got a few months in a row last summer. I got an abdominal ultrasound in October, and my ovaries are full of cysts with a couple uterine fibroids as well. :rolleyes: Took my diuretic and some alleve and was able to get back to sleep eventually, but still don't feel great. Not sure if that affected me during this workout. Funny enough, it feels better to be bent over than to stand up straight, so squats FTW.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Another Weight Update

Friday, March 10
Calories: 2095
Carbs: 162
Fat: 72
Protein: 171
Fiber: 28
Activity: Deadlift Day
Weight: 186.5
Apple watch move calories: 852
Apple watch total calories: 2791
Apple watch exercise minutes: 123
Apple Watch stand hours: 15
Apple Watch Steps: 10,698

Saturday, March 11
Calories: 2425
Carbs: 207
Fat: 71
Protein: 178
Fiber: 43
Activity: Active work day
Weight: 186
Apple watch move calories: 649
Apple watch total calories: 2590
Apple watch exercise minutes: 58
Apple Watch stand hours: 17
Apple Watch Steps: 13,243

Sunday, March 12
Calories: 2325
Carbs: 163
Fat: 89
Protein: 209
Fiber: 15
Activity: Dog walk
Weight: 189
Apple watch move calories: 587
Apple watch total calories: 2413
Apple watch exercise minutes: 53
Apple Watch stand hours: 15
Apple Watch Steps: 11,443

So, net loss was a pound in the last week. Pretty much expected if my tracking and my Apple watch numbers are correct. I'm probably up a little in water weight after a Chinese food dinner with a client Saturday. Gotta love that sodium! Hoping I'll be down a bit more after a normal day of eating. Cutting blows.

Bench Day, Monday March 13

45x8 (not recorded)
55x5
65x3
75x1
85x1
100x6 (kind of half reps)
100x4
80x8

Wide Grip
3x100x1-paused



Dumbbell Bench
10's x 35
22.5's x 25
22.5's x 21

Daylight Savings got me today, had to cut my workout short lest I be REALLY late to work. I'll also share a funny with you. Sometimes my camera does not cooperate....



Friday, March 10, 2017

Diet Catch Up

Tuesday, March 7
Calories: 1923
Carbs: 100
Fat: 96
Protein: 133
Fiber: 20
Activity: Squat day
Weight: 187.5
Apple watch move calories: 845
Apple watch total calories: 2756
Apple watch exercise minutes: 112
Apple Watch stand hours: 16
Apple Watch Steps: 7726

Wednesday, March 8
Calories: 2061
Carbs: 190
Fat: 82
Protein: 118
Fiber: 32
Activity: Dog walk
Weight: 188
Apple watch move calories: 496
Apple watch total calories: 2384
Apple watch exercise minutes: 43
Apple Watch stand hours: 15
Apple Watch Steps: 9115

Thursday, March 9
Calories: 2019
Carbs: 130
Fat: 101
Protein: 128
Fiber: 50
Activity: Decline/OHP Day and dog walk
Weight: 187.5
Apple watch move calories: 968
Apple watch total calories: 2849
Apple watch exercise minutes: 147
Apple Watch stand hours: 15
Apple Watch Steps: 14,718

Last 24 hours was really trying mentally an emotionally. I'm gonna make it, I know I am, but business loan did not come through. Once again, feeling really overwhelmed between the business, knowing we have to move soon because the association manager where we live is a lying douche, and the $$$ cancer treatment for Oscar. Not even sure what to say, I have nothing I can really do other than keep on keeping on.

Deadlift Day - Friday, March 10

Front squat
45x8
65x5
85x3
105x1
125x1
135x1
145x1 - UGLY

Trap, raised handle
135x3
155x1
175x1
195x1 - I "PR'd" by 5, but it's still not as high as my conventional PR - should I be trying harder?

Deadlift
3x205x1
That felt heavy AF

bands
7x155x1 (miscounted, as supposed to do 8)

Ran out of time, will do abs at home tonight! I don't know WTF I'm gonna do next week when we spring forward. But I am proud that I finally got all four days of training in. Between illnesses (my own and Oscar's), traveling, snow and tiredness, that hasn't happened much over the last month+.

Wondering if cutting is making we weak LOL. Also, back looked kind of rounded today :( Body feels a little beat up

Decline Bench Day, Thursday, March 9

45x8
55x3
65x2
75x1
85x1
95x1
115x2 - WAY too hard
95x6 (screwed up loading the bar...)
110x6
95x8

Overhead press
80x0
75x2
75x2



Face pulls
3x70x12

Hammer curls
3x15x12

Barbell shrugs
3x90x12

Wide grip lat pulldowns
3x80x12

Table top oblique crunch
3x12

Hip drops
3x12

Crunches
3x12

I'm getting stronger with decline, especially since I've skipped it many weeks in a row. But not as strong as coach wants me to be....

Squat Day, Tuesday March 7

Warmup
45x8
65x5 (not recorded)
85x3
105x1
125x1
135x1
145x1




Working Sets
3x155x1

Close stance
3x115x6

paused
3x100x3

wide stance-think wide
2x65x100


Seated leg curl
3x95x12

Seated calf raise
3x85x15

Air bike
3x20

Crunch
2x10

Reverse crunch
2x10

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Oh So Fluffy

So, I know the use of the word "fail" is frowned upon, but I am failing at my diet. As of this morning I was up to 190 again. :( I lost like 20 pounds last year, maybe if I lose another 20 pounds by summer I'll be more satisfied with how I look. Using the powerlifting excuse just won't cut it anymore. If I miss lifts, I miss lifts. Back to actually journaling my calories and macros. Starting today?

Okay, so I think 1900 calories (10xBW) is a good cutting goal. Might be a bit low for performance, but I really just want to lose the fluff. I mean, I'll still be fluffy after 20 pounds but not as obscenely so. Setting macros goals at 120 g protein, 50 grams fat, and 243 grams carbs. Trying to make sure I get enough protein to maintain LBM and enough carbs to fuel all the cardio I'm gonna be doing hahahahahah kidding.... kind of.

Anyway, I have all kinds of ideas on how I'm going to be more accountible... but I think just trying to stay on track alone is going to be enough for now. In the future I will start looking at additional NEAT, LISS cardio, HIIT cardio, or whatever else I can fit in, trying to get all my steps in, etc. But this is all I'm going to do for now. That and getting all four workouts in a week.

Oooh another funny from the gym. So two guys who will remain anonymous were deadlifting with the trap bar. I think they had about 70 pounds on it or so, give or take, plus the weight of the bar, which I'm pretty sure is 45. I mean I haven't weighed it, but I held a 45# plate in one hand and the bar in the other and they seemed pretty equal. So they have about 115 or so on it. They started to have a conversation about how much heavier the trap bar must be compared to a normal bar, and concluded the trap bar itself must be 70 pounds. I wish I was that strong! LOL

Monday, March 6, 2017

Bench, Monday March 6

45x8 (not recorded)
55x6
65x3
75x1

Paused
85x1
95x1
105x1

Wider Grip, Paused
85x1
95x1
105x1 - Rough, bet that would have been red lighted in a meet!

DB Bench
10's x 35
2 x 22.5's x 25

Bent over rear delt raise
3x12.5x12

Hammer Curls
2x15x12

Barbell Shrug
3x90x12

Seated Wide Grip Cable Row
3x75x12

Hanging leg raise
4x10

Weighted Crunches
2x10x10

Reverse Crunch
2x10

Plank
2x30 seconds

Bridges
2x10x10

Trust the process, trust your coach, trust the process, trust your coach. These heavy bench weights are a bit defeating. I do feel like I got off easy today for the most part. I sometimes think I should burn out my arms with some lighter weight but higher rep sets (like an AMRAP 90?) but I'm putting my faith in Wade and am not doing anything outside of his program. Those dumbbells though - those just feel like a painful exercise in futility. I know it's good for something, otherwise Wade wouldn't make us do it, but still.

Oh and this morning, I was offered a job at the gym. All it takes is time, right? It would be cool, a little extra income to support my expensive cancer patient, and a free gym membership as well! I might even be able to fit in a workout or two while at work! But I think the husband would be annoyed with me, and god knows I'm busy enough as it is. I'll talk to him about it tonight.

The other thing I thought this morning as I walked to the gym in FREEZING temperatures (maybe double digits? so cold!) was this is one of the last few times I'll be seeing the sunrise on my way to the gym for a bit. It's freaking spring forward this weekend :mad: a whole hour earlier.... yuck!!!

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Let's Do This Thing

Another pup update - I am spending the cash on these melanoma vaccines after all. I sent the vet an email with tons of questions about how bad/big it looked, what stage she thought he was in, etc. as well as how bad the side effects from the vaccines are, what his chances are, blah blah blah, and her response was really positive. She said it didn't look bad at all, very small, in fact she thought it would come back as benign because it looked like he just bit his lip a little. His lymph nodes are normal size although they didn't aspirate them (but could Thursday when he's in surgery) and the mitotic index was low which means it's actually a slow growing tumor. She was actually really confident he would be good after the surgery alone to ensure they remove all the cancer cells. However, looking at the risk factors for this cancer, I'm thinking he will probably get it again, so doing the vaccine would be beneficial to ensuring he stays healthy for as long as possible. It's a stretch financially, but how could I not? He's happy, energetic, and still feisty as all get out, and seems like a healthy dog, so I'm in. Let's do this thing.

Friday, March 3, 2017

Death and Taxes

The vet called. No need for additional testing - both the Oncologist and Pathologist have confirmed his tumor is a malignant melanoma, and they did not see the borders on the sample, so it's likely they didn't get the whole thing out.

Here's my options with my internet research findings

1. Do nothing - 3-6 months
2. Do an additional surgery to try and remove the entire tumor including margins - maybe 6 months
3. Do the surgery and then follow up with a vaccine treatment that is $2000 initially, and then $500 every six months - maybe 2 years
4. Do the surgery and put him through radiation - unknown amount of money, and since radiation is 3x a week and nobody does it locally, he would need to live somewhere else or even in a kennel for two months, away from his family.

#4 is not gonna happen. I would never put him through that.

#3 seems like a long shot as well - I sent an email to our vet to get more information on side effects, as he has pretty bad vaccine reactions. Of course the money part would be hard, but I would do it if it really improved his quality of life, but I feel like it might just extend his life, you know?

Hell, I'm even having issues with #2 - on one hand, making sure we get the entire tumor out seems like it would help. However, they have to take a segment out of his lip and then sew it back together. I feel like that might be really painful, and it also sounds like he is prone to these tumors and more are likely to pop up. The type of cancer is very aggressive, and spreads quickly. It might already have spread to other areas of his body. It's almost like I can't do the surgery without the vaccine, but really, how effective is this vaccine?

This little guy was supposed to live for 8 more years. Giving him up in a few months is going to be heartbreaking if that's what it comes to. Do I have any vets who read my blog and have an opinion? It's only been a day but I'm beside myself trying to decide.

Deadlift Day, Thursday March 2

Front squat
45x8
65x5
85x3
105x1
115x1
130x3

Depth was lacking.



Trap, flat handle
135x3
155x3
175x3



Conventional Deadlift
6x190x1



Banded Deadlifts
8x145x1

Was supposed to be fast and aggressive - Not sure that was super fast, aggressive enough



Seated leg curl
3x95x12

Seated calf raise
3x85x15

Weighted crunch
4x10x15

Air bike
2x20

Bridge
10lbs x 10

Overall, a solid day. Not happy with my depth on squats and I might need to work on my fast and aggressive, but I think it was good.

Mixed grip really does work wonders.

Bench Day, Wednesday March 1

45x8
55x6
65x5 (was recording the wrong bench... they all looked the same on my camera!)
75x3
85x1
90x3 paused-ish
95x3
100x1 paused
100x1 touch n go

Wide grip paused
3x85x1



Dumbbell Press

10's x 35
2x 20's x 25

Bent over raise
3x 10's x 12

Hammer curls
3x15x12

Barbell shrugs
3x90x12

Wide grip pulldowns
77x10
71x12
71x10

Ab machine
40x15
65x15
2x85x15

Planks
2x30 seconds

Air bike
20

Bridges
2x10

Bench was off. The actual bench was so low to the ground, not sure if that affected anything, or if it was the stress I've been under, not eating well, sitting in a car too many days in a row, Mercury was in retrograde or just life. I was at a gym on the road which was interesting to say the least. They had a whole crossfit/olympic lifting area with people yelling. But of course nothing changed - dudes with totally yoked out upper bodies but don't look like they've done a squat in their lives. 1/4 rep kings (although the one I really noticed didn't even load up the bar - he looked like he might have been benching around 155). I'll probably go back there when we are back in about 3 weeks. Should be fun.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Squats Monday, February 27

45x8
65x5
85x3
105x1
125x1
135x1



145x2
3x150x2

Close stance
3x110x6

paused
3x95x3

wide stance
2x65x10




Seated Leg curl
3x95x12


Seated Calf Raise
2x80x15


Ran out of time....

Haven't squatted in like 2 weeks so I'm gonna be hobbling tomorrow. But I'm also squatting 150 for 2, so there's that! I have to go back and look, but I think that was my squat goal. They're not the deepest, and not the prettiest but they aren't bad. I was supposed to do 145 doubles last week, so I wanted to try one set. Just so there wasn't a 10 lb jump between my last squat session and this one - but I had very few issues, other than being afraid of going too deep. I know the fear is in my brain, and missing a rep wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Working on trusting the process.


Soooo travel! I'm 95% better from me second cold, but I'm working an extra day in a row so we can do a whirlwind tour of California. We're driving to Tahoe this afternoon for a meeting and then down to So Cal because our car needs a ton of body work done from a crazy windstorm a couple weeks back. Tuesday we meet with the body shop, and then Wednesday the insurance adjuster. Then we come back Thursday. I have no idea where to work out (terrified of walking into a Planet Fitness type place), but I am determined to get all four workouts in next week..... dammit! I'm also not sure if we'll have a car or not, so walking distance will be my friend. I will be happy to be out of the snow though!!

With the tour will be eating - Really, really want to go check out a place called the Squeeze Inn where they make cheeseburgers with a crap ton of extra cheese




They call it the cheese skirt. Cue many hearts

Also, finally got my pup's biopsy results back, and.... we still don't really know. The biopsy came back as melanoma, but the vet was saying that some benign tumors can show as melanoma in this test and there is a more expensive test that check the cell metabolism (or something like that) that can tell you if the tumor really is malignant or not. She's going to speak to the Oncologist and then call me back. This test is $500, so much more than the original biopsy, but I don't really know what it would do for us. I don't want to put my dog through chemo or anything, that's for me, not for him. He's happy now, and I want him to enjoy his time here, whether it's one year or eight. Would I do anything different if it was malignant? Probably not. But this crap is killing me. Every time I adopt a new dog, I know I am just signing myself up for more heartbreak in the future. The curse of a dog parent! 

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Deadlifts, Tuesday February 21

Brain wasn't with it, I forgot my squat shoes, and the bar felt really really heavy so after the first set, I decided to do deadlift day. Not sure why I tho Got deadlifts would be less taxing, but I think I thought collapsing during a deadlift would be safer than collapsing during a back squat. Ha!

Back squat
45x8


Front squat

65x5

85x3

105x2

115x1

125x1

140x1




depth was a little lacking, blaming my converse and being sick and tired

Trap bar deadlift, flat handle135 x 3155x1175x1
my previous flat handle was 145 but I couldn't just do 150

 



Deadlift10x180x1
Completely forgot about mixed grip, when double overhand failed on rep 5 I resorted to straps rather than mixed grip. Brain fog.



bands3x160x2


Seated leg curl3x95x12

Seated calf raise3x80x15

Last time I was sick, I sat on my ass thinking if I rested, I would get better faster. This time, I pushed it to go to the gym. Today (Wednesday) was my planned rest day and last night was the start of the sickness hell. I cannot even imagine doing a squat under more than 100 pounds. Not sure how I'm going to feel in the morning, but even if I miraculously feel amazing, hubby would flip out if I got up early to go to the gym. :/ I'm kinda bummed too - this will be the third week in the row I've skipped decline bench day.

I'm feeling a bit fucked.

I'm Also stressed. We are starting a new business, and there is a LOT to do. And my little dog went in for a teeth cleaning last week, but finished with a mass biopsy from his mouth. I'm hoping to get the results tomorrow. Need positive vibes for a benign result.