Sunday, April 30, 2017

Abusive Relationship

I think I am just now realizing that my marriage is verbally abusive.

I don't know how to get out. Small town and I have nowhere to go without leaving town and subsequently my job.

We have business together. Not sure how to proceed without going bankrupt. Feel like I have no options and I'm stuck.

I often wish he would just leave me, but I'm his money ticket. He's successfully drained my extra cash and made it next to impossible for me to leave him.

I've successfully pushed every friend away, and am too ashamed to share this with my closer friends and family. I'm alone and it's my own damn fault.

I guess the first step was recognizing this. The next step is to work on my own happiness and self esteem.

Not sure where I'll go from there, but it's a start.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Fat Loss

The original name of this was "Operation Fat Ass" but at the same time, I'm pretty happy with my ass.




It's my belly that bothers me.

I was also going to insert a funny meme about having a belly, but the ones I found are awful.

Anyway, I'm sort of back to counting macros and calories, except my food scale died. So I'm estimating.... which is not accurate in the slightest. Anyway, A few days ago, I was at 185, today I'm at 187. Ideally, I would like to be about 170 by July.

For anyone interested, I'm shooting for:

1724 calories
129 grams protein based on slightly more than 1 gram per pound lean mass
194 grams carbs
48 grams fat

Which should put me at a little more than 1 pound per week loss. That also means I won't actually reach this goal even if I'm perfect every single day. Le sigh. I really wanted cut down to a weight low enough so I can go on a bulk, or at least maintenance and not feel pudge, but I guess if I need to reduce my cut this summer to live life, it will be okay.

Deadlift Day, 4/22

Front squat
45x9
65x5
85x3
115x1
135x3
 
 
trap flat handle
135x3
155x1
185x1
195x1 - forgot it was supposed to be a triple 
195x3
 

Deadlifts
6x200x1


Banded Deads, Blue Band -30 second rest intervals
8x135x1

Seated leg curl
3x105x12

Seated calf raise
3x95x15

Air bike
4x20

Plank
2x30 seconds

Starting stretching

Decline Day, 4/21

Close Grip Decline Bench
45x8 (not recorded)
55x5
65x5
75x3
85x1
105x6
110x6
95x8
 

Push Press
65x3
75x3
85x3 (Not recorded!)
85x1 - Pushed out on rep 2


Face Pulls
3x75x12

Hammer Curls
3x17.5's x 12

Machine Assisted Pull up (someone was on the lat pulldown)
2x200x12
200x9

Barbell Shrug
2x90x12

Air Bike
5x20

Starting stretching
 
Super bummed about missing recording my Push Press PR!

Squats, 4/19

Missed a big couple of weeks in here! Got to 175 on my squat but depth was questionable. Now I'm in a bit of a deload, and working my way back up
Comp Stance Squat
45x8
65x5
85x3
105x1
6x115x2

Close stance
3x95x6

paused
3x95x3

wide stance
2x65x10


Seated Leg Curl
3x100x12

Seated Calf Raise
3x90x15

Bench Press 4/18

Heh, it was hectic the last few weeks but now it seems to have slowed down. Missed a few weeks of posting! Instead of bombarding you with the last 3 weeks, I figured I would post the last week.

Bench Press
45x8
55x5
65x3
75x1

Paused

85x1
100x1 (for whatever reason I did close grip)
100x1 (normal grip)
110x1 - not paused
110x0


Wider Grip, paused
85x1
95x1
105x1

Touch and go, wide grip
2x75x8
 

Dumbbell Bench
10's x 35
2x22.5's x 25


Rear Delt Raise
3x12.5's x 12


Hammer Curls
17.5's x 5 - shoulder and biceps were TIRED
3x15"s x12


Close Grip Cable Row
3x80x12


Plate Shrugs
2x 45's x12


Crunches
5x15


Reverse crunches
3x12


Starting Stretching

I started doing Starting Stretching about a week ago, and it's really helped with some of the aches and pains I was feeling. Of course, now I have different aches and pains but not related to Starting Stretching

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Finding the Motivation

Gonna try really hard to drop some weight in the next couple of months. I have 13 weeks until my birthday. I haven't been motivated, possibly because I have this powerlifter mindset in the back of my head that I can eat all the things.

However, I would like to lose about 20 pounds. That would be 1.5 pounds a week. Hopefully I have added some muscle in the last year, and especially the last 4-5 months while I've been eating all the things.

I'm pretty overweight so I think I can handle a bigger deficit.

I am going to shoot for 1700 calories daily, 128g protein (~1g/lb LBM), 47g fat, and 191g carbs.

I'm also going to strive to get my 10,000+ steps a day.

Wish me luck.....